A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I luv and am stil inlove with my husband.But he hurt me and i feel betrayed. About 2mths ago i caught him having inappropriate conversations with women in chatrooms downloaded on his cellphone.I went thru his cell while he was sleeping cos he didnt allow me to even touch his ph.I wont go into detail abt the lies and arguments we had.He feels i shouldnt hav snooped.Ive lost interest in our already non- existent sex life.He feels he didnt do anything wrong as he never had sex with them.Am i being silly?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Hi Eddie we had a wonderful sex life until i fell pregnant(baby is now 3mths). I had bad morning sickness 4 prob the 1st 4 mths. Hubby felt that its not so bad and its all in my head. Not to be so graphic but his idea of sex is me giving him bj's so you will understand that i didnt want to stick anything down my throat. I must also mention that i caught him chatting prior to my pregnancy. But i now kno wot to do. Guys thx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I agree with Irish49 100 per cent. Let me add one thing though. If you have an already non existent sex life, focus on that. There is a good possibility that's where the problems begin. Where did things go off track and why? Is there anything to save etc. Unless he's just a jerk, there may be some sort of reason for his being lured to another woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Thx guys. Im glad im not the only one who thinks it is cheating
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): No you weren't being 'silly'. He was cheating on you, emotionally. Plain and simple. When one is cheating on the other, their uncaring actions has permeated the security and safety of the relationship. Understandably, you the 'cheated on person' picks up on the signs and seeks out the truth. So in effect, your husband has broken down the marriage, because he committed an act of betrayal, long before your snooping occurred. So from my standpoint, snooping did not damage this marriage. It was an attempt to seek the truth and resolve deception/suspicion, on your part. So once a 'snoop' has ocurred and your husband got caught, I really have to state...how I am absolutely amazed at his audacity to turn the tables and blame you for 'snooping'? In other words, he cries foul and stupidly basically says "how dare you snoop and find out I am cheating on you!! How could you do this to me?" Sheesh *rolls eyes*
And....RCN is right, if a person has nothing to hide, they don't mind you looking at their online stuff. In fact, I will even go further and suggest to all couples, to practice 'open, free access' to each other's activities on the computer. Why? I believe that when two people get married or commit to each in a love relationship, they do become one. They share a life, so they share 'personal space'. Doing just this, builds trust and keeps the relationship solidified. No secrets, no hidden passwords...nothing! The whole concept of a relationship is sharing all we do and have, with the other. This attitude really does build unity and respect, within a couple's relationship for each other. 'Trust' is the key building block.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 Hi,
you are not being silly. Your husband has betrayed your trust and ,moreover, he seems to be unrepentant.
The fact that your sex life has taken a nose dive suggests that these online daliances are diverting his romantic interest away from you and on to these 'affairs' he's having on line.
You deserve to have your husband's unequivocal attention in all things romantic in your relationship.
Perhaps marriage counselling is an option. You need a third party involved who can analyse where your relationship is falling down. For instance, is there a reason that your husband initially started viewing these sites? Or was there a period in your marriage when things became a bit too familiar and you couldnt communicate enough with each other to spice it up?
At the end of the day your husband has betrayed your trust and needs to assure you that he will be devoted to you not to his internet flings. How much he is prepared to meet you in this quest will determine how much effort you want to put in to repair your marriage.
All the best, and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): Read and teach him about what's 'emotional cheating'. Search for this term online. But I'm afraid he'll continue to deny he has done any wrong. This kind of people live in a lie and they strongly believe those lies themselves.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 Tell him inappropriate conversations with a women when married, IS CHEATING. Just because he didn't have sex, doesn't matter. If he brings up you snooping, just let him know if he wasn't cheating you wouldn't be having this conversation. It's not about snooping. When I has a girlfriend, I could care less if she went through my things. She had my e-mail address because she liked going through and relaying messages to who was important to talk to and she'd take care of erasing the spam. I didn't care because I had nothing to hide.
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