A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My question is whether you should have sex (in a relationship) when you don't really want to?In all my relationships, after the first few months my sex drive has gone down quite a bit (I hear this is fairly common), but my partner's hasn't.They get cross and sulky if I don't have sex with them about five times a day, so generally I'll try and do it just to shut them up, even though I really don't want to, and don't enjoy it, and sometimes I have to fake an orgasm just so they'll stop harrassing me and I can go to sleep!Thing is my current boyfriend says he can tell when I'm not really into it, and it turns him off and he gets cross. So he doesn't want me to have sex with him if I don't really want to, but he also complains if he doesn't get any at all! I can't win. What am I supposed to do? I try and give him what he wants and he doesn't like it!Please don't give me any rubbish about "spicing things up" with underwear or massages or whatever, or showing men how to do it properly - I've tried all that.So maybe a guy can explain this to me. I try to do the "unselfish" thing by giving them what tehy want, and somehow its not good enough. Flipping heck - do you want sex or not?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RonMexico  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 That is exactly it, find someone with a lower sex drive. There is nothing worse than being sexually frustrated. That is what will drive men to cheat, the whole, "I can't get it from you so I will from someone else" mentality.
You are the classic bait and switch candidate. You trick him into thinking you are a high sex energy person for the first 2 months, then you change. Of course it is frustrating for him!! You changed, and you change with every guy. Find someone with the same interests as you, like knitting or something.
Stop trying to forge a healthy sexual relationship and just find someone who wants the same thing as you.
CHEERS.
RON MEXICO.
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Maybe ask him to masturbate instead of sex when you are there if that doesn't bother you.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Unfortunately that is the way that it goes. We like to have sex a lot but we feel hurt / wounded if you're not in to it. Most guys I'm sure have had girls faking it on them, I certainly have and it gets kind of insulting.Sex is important. If you don't feel much like it now then you are really not going to be up for it in 10 years time when you have 3 children under 6 and that is when he will have an affair. If you are not that in to it you might be better off finding a guy with a lower sex drive.
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