A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met my boyfriend online 3 months everything was going great and we still get on well. I realised he recentley was acting weird and asked him what was wrong, he then told me that he did not want to be in a relationship at the moment but still wants to see me. He wont talk about why he does not want a relationship at the moment, although he did have a difficult 4 yr relationship previously which he wont talk about!I have noticed that he is now back online on the dating website where we met. I am not sure whether he is using me until someone better comes along or whether I should stick it out, given his past? I also dont know whether I should go back online to met someone else or make him jealous?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 Three words. Drop the player. You are worth more than being Friends with Benefits. You do not need him. You do not need the risk of being with him. You are not responsible for his 4-year relationship ending, and you need not make a single accommodation or concession for him.
Another thing - you absolutely have no hope of him growing to love you. That is one of the biggest mistakes someone can make - believing they can "rescue" the guy (or girl) and that they will grow to love and cherish them. You cannot change him, nor will your giving him what he wants cause him to grow to love you.
Cut off the communication, because you are not desperate, nor will you allow yourself to be used.
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (28 August 2010):
 Just because he wants some space and privacy, doesn't mean something's up. Sometimes people need to deal with things on their own, by themselves. It means no disrespect, it's just something they might just want to keep to themselves because they want to either protect you or they don't want it to ruin the relationships. Thinking that it's because he wants a benefits only relationship, is jumping to conclusions.
Something in that previous 4 year relationship must have stuck with him, and it might still be affecting him inside. Should he tell you about it? Maybe it affects him in ways no one else would understand. Do not say that "that's impossible, what wouldn't I understand?". Everything and anything is possible.
He says he still wants to see you. Is he implying he still wants the sex? Is he independent enough? This is just a problem he has to deal with. So leave him be and be there when he needs you. If he asks for sex, you CAN say no because you're not in a relationship with him.
I hope that helps.
I hope that helps
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