A
female
age
36-40,
*anquary07
writes: Self Centered In Bed My boyfriend of 9 yrs is 16 yrs older than me. Im 25, he is 42. Throughout the 9 years, 90% of what he does in bed is cover my face with a pillow and have sex with my mouth taking about other women. The other 5% i would say is anal sex ( hurts me ) If im Really Lucky, he will penetrate my vag and cum really quick... while talking about other women. everytime we are in bed, i feel so horribly unattractive and want to die. Ive begged him to touch me down there, he wont. Im 5'8'' 140 lbs. I shave, i keep my vag very clean in everyway possible. I beg and beg, he tells me that i have mental problems and im never satisfied, and " no matter how hard he tries - nothing satisfies me in bed " ******************************************* Other than sex life, he has given me alot through his cost financially. I have no personality around him. He hates it if i speak, and i must be like a servant awaiting commands. He tells me often that i have a fat ass, and if i look like " the other girl " than maybe he would want to have sex with me" I have no self esteem around him. I feel so dead inside. Should i leave him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Girl he sounds like he is just blackhearted and evil and takes pleasure in torturing you. Sex is supposed to be about pleasing the other individual not just yourself & if he did that you both would be satisfied. I went thru the same torture with a man and in my mind I wondered if he was homosexual along with being a rapist. One thing is for sure he was definately psychotic! I got as far away from him as possible and I feel 100% better! Hopefully you will find the strength to be happy with yourself and find a man who is willing to be happy with you and accept your love. He's out there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Girl his ass is evil and takes pleasure in torturing you. Sex is supposed to be about pleasing the other individual not just yourself & if he did that you both would be satisfied. I went thru the same torture with a man and in my mind I wondered if he was homosexual along with being a rapist. One thing is for sure he was definately psychotic! I got as far away from him as possible and I feel 100% better! Hopefully you will find the strength to be happy with yourself and find a man who is willing to be happy with you and accept your love. He's out there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): What an ogre.You should have left a long, long time ago.He belittles you in so many ways and your lack of confidence has allowed you to accept his horrible treatment of your person.You need to exit right away. How can you stand yourself?It's like a torture chamber at your home.If you haven't left because of the money you are worth so much more. You'll go insane putting up with that horrible ogre.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Leave him. you deserve better. I am certain that you can find someone more worthy of you who will love you and have sex with you as an equal. leave the bastard!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): How shocking..and how utterly cruel and repulsive of this man! I once read a real good quote and I use it a lot when advising people. It goes like this. "
We shouldn’t fear reality. We should fear the illusions we try to maintain in the face of reality"
Your grim, sad reality is, you are being horribly mistreated here, by an abusive partner. We all see that and I think you see it as well, or you wouldn't have written in here for opinions on your situation. For 9 years, you have been sexually abused, and treated like a piece of 'meat'...nothing more. For you to have tolerated this for this long, tells me you are terrified of moving on. Your strength is sapped, you feel trapped. All this tells me, that you can and will stick it out with this 'man' and keep that misguided illusion that all is well and possibly, you put up a brave face. If you do that, prepare for sheer hell on earth because it won't get better.
Hun, your bf has serious psychological issues. Head problems that only most hardened, experienced therapist can work with. You can't change this. All you can do is look after yourself, love yourself enough...to motivate, to act sensibly and get out of this relationship.
To me it has sounded like you have accepted this sexual abuse and you numbed yourself to the pain-you tried to close the door on that heartbreak and you carried on. But closing the door on something so shocking and cruel, as this man's treatment is also closing the door on truth and you right to genuine, quality happiness.
I am so glad you wrote in with this problem. Because as a good, decent human being, you do have a right to to speak freely and you also have the right to live completely. You have a right to connect with others in an open and honest way. This man and his harsh sexual abuse of you has taken away your inner sprit and ability to fight back. So your right at a good, quality life is taken from you here. You need to get that all back. The only way is to walk away. No matter if you are financially dependant on him. You need to look after yourself now.
You have been hurt..slowly and painfully over years. He caught you in his snare and this horrific treatment will continue unabated unless you empower your own life emotionally, financially and independently. The first step, and the most difficult,and that is leaving with no forwarding address or phone number. Then seek some counseling to repair the spiritual and emotional damage you have suffered. Next finding a good support group of 'sexually and emotionally' abused women, who have had the same experiences, may help you.
Someone once also said, "If you weren't scared, then you weren't brave." It is time to be brave and reclaim your birthright as a human being. Get some help, get love and support, kindness and patience from close trusted friends and family. But please do all you can to get away. The man has deep rooted problems..he treats women like garbage and he feels entitled. Get busy and put yourself in pritority here..this guy doesn't deserve you. Good luck, my dear and I pray you find the strength, to get away and look after yourself!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Askoldersister you are wrong in canada age 16 sex is legal.
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A
female
reader, Jadebed  +, writes (13 June 2009):
Gal, u have been brainwashed by this old man. And mayb sometimes u feel desperate, below par, unworthy, ugly, undesirable, incomplete, unappreciated...and this is coz of him not you. Leave this asshole now! U wa very young and he's been manipulating u over the years. U deserve more than being in a sex for money relationship. Cut him out NOW!!
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A
male
reader, joe26  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 the more longer you stay with this guy the worst it will be so cut him off and move on...you deserve to be treated better and you will find someone who can make you happy.
hope it helps
cheers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Why have you been with this guy for 9 years. If this the way that he has always been then you should have left him 8 years and 364 days ago. Get rid of this guy and find someone who respects you. Take Ask Oldersister's advice and get some help to get out of this so called relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I think you already know the answer to this - of course you need to leave him. You are in an abusive relationship and you need to stop being a victim. This guy is quite simply an a@#$-hole. Every person deserves to be treated with respect and you certainly are not. The fact that you were 16 and he was 33 when you started going out also speaks volumes. This predator has established this pattern of abuse from when you were basically a child and he was an adult. You need to get out of there fast. I would say that he is the one with mental issues not you. I would recommend though that, as a result of the abuse that he has put you through, you seek out some professional help such as counselling. Sorry if this comes across as blunt but you need to confront the reality of what's happening in this relationship and take action for your own good.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (13 June 2009):
 Yes of course you should leave him!!
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