A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is really typical and stupid, but it's causing me pain and I was wondering if anyone could help me. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Before that, we were really good friends for about a year. Well a few weeks before he asked me out, he confessed that he had a crush on a girl, Jordan(fake name), who worked with him and was 19 (he was 16). She rejected him, though. We've both been really happy with each other and we even had sex for the first time a week ago. We love each other.We ran into Jordan somewhere and, of course, he and Jordan started talking. At some point, she dropped something and bent over to pick it up. He checked out her ass, big time! Now I've long accepted the fact that my boyfriend is going to check out other girls. I know he does it. I check out guys, too, so its no big deal. Once, I even commented on how pretty a girl was when I saw him subtly staring at her. It's just that I have some major self-esteem issues. My weight of 120 lbs is too big, my eyes are too close together, my skin is too white, my eyes aren't big enough, my waist is too large, I'm ugly, etc. And Jordan is TINY. She has a perfect figure, only 5 feet, blonde, and beautiful.This has been hurting me for a few days. I just don't feel good enough for him, sometimes. Can someone please help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): I know just how you feel. I have a boyfriend of 4 years and we have 2 kids together. Well when we first started dating I felt that it was all about me that he did check out any other girls but not any more, he is constantly checking out other girls and it came to the point where he would do it in front of me. I have low self esteem as well, I'm 5 feet 1 inches tall and I weigh 112 pounds but I feel ugly or at least he makes me feel like that because he is looking at other girls. I ended up talking to him about how it made me feel and I let him know that I know that he looks at other girls (it's in their nature) and said to him I'm not fine with it but if you are going to look don't do it around me. I let him know that I want to feel that I am the only one he has eyes for. Talk to your boyfriend and let him know or else it won't last.
A
female
reader, Little Lisa  +, writes (4 January 2009):
120lbs is not big at all, by my calculation that's less than 9 stone which is a totally normal healthy weight. Stop picking faults with yourself, your boyfriend obviously likes you for you, otherwise he wouldn't be with you.
I'd speak to your boyfriend, let him know you feel insecure. Tell him while you know it's completely normal for him to check out other girls, if he could not do it when he's with you, or at least be a little more subtle about it. I don't think that's too much to ask.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 January 2009):
 Obviously he is with you and he likes you for you. Guys will check out girls their whole life, some are more subtle about it then others. And women will check out guys but we are usually WAY more casual about it.
Love is about way more then just looks. There is a reason the two of you are together.
You need to stop thinking negative things about your self. Yeah, there might be things you don't like about yourself ( everyone has those) Focus on what you DO like about yourself. When you catch yourself been hard on yourself/ your looks or what not, then think of something positive.
Don't expect to be perfect. Aim to reach your goals. Don't set them impossibly high but give yourself goals and reach them.
Try something new - a sport or hobby. Have fun with it. If you suck at it chalk it up as a learning experience, if you are good, take pride in it.
There are things about everyone we don't like, like I said earlier. Realize that some of the things you can not change so why fuzz?
Do something good for others. Volunteer or help out someone else.
Exercise - exercise makes your body produce endorphins ( also knows as happy chemicals)- so not only can you become healthier you can become happier!
Focus on you. Once you understand that you are indeed very lovable others will too.
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A
female
reader, michele21 +, writes (4 January 2009):
 ok your 120lbs thats skinny to me sweety depending on your height as well im sure if he is with you he must love something about you you are too young to be worried about stupid stuff like that you have lots of growing up to do.....im 5'7 135lbs believe thats not skinny and not fat eaither im a good size for my height im sure he isn't going to be the last boyfriend you ever had and hes going to look hes a man they do that all of them do that so your just gonna have to deal with it if you want check out other guys in front of him make it obvious so he gets jelous than it will probably make him appreciate you more ...good luck
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