A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating someone new and have slept together about 4 times now. This last time he couldn't hold an erection. I know men feel insecure about this and he hasn't struck me as the insecure type but he kept commenting after that he hopes I don't go looking for someone else and he hopes I still feel the same etc... The thing is, I took it personal that maybe its me and he's just not attracted anymore. I'm not sure what happened but now things seem weird.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (20 March 2008):
 Poor guy - don't take it personally, apart from to realise that it's BECAUSE he likes you and wants to please you that he has performance anxiety!!
You need to take a bit of control here, I think. Wipe from your mind any daft thoughts that he's gone off you - that doesn't happen after 4 encounters, especially not with the kind of things he's saying to you.
Pay him some carefully targeted, gentle, undemanding sexual attention. Say you just want to hold him, and then hold him, lie with him, and see if it goes any further. Say you want to give him a back massage - take all the responsibillty off him - just focus on him, and his sensual pleasure, and don't put any sexual pressure on him.
If you really like him, it's surely worth taking things slowly and reassuring him that you only have eyes for him. Reassure him there's no way you want anyone else - you've only just started with him! And maybe if you did something like took the initiative and gave him a blow job and muttered sweet nothings about what a nice xxxxx he has ... you need to let him know that, and that you even love it when it is being meek. : ) Then it will soon respond, I reckon.
Think about him. Don't have an unfounded complex. He's the one who needs a bit of help, I think, and I'm sure you can do it. Good luck!
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