A
female
age
30-35,
*shie31
writes: hey guys im kind of new at this thing but i really need an outside perspective. me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and half now. when he gets mad at me he calls me some horrible names ex:lard ass,bitch,exc.. and it makes me feel so low idk what to do.i love him with all my being and i tell him that i dont like what he calls me but when he gets mad or feels like joking around he still calls me those nows. i dont have the heart to break up with him; i want to spend my life with him..please help me and give me some advice on how to make our relationship better:( thanks guys. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mrs.ajg +, writes (31 October 2010):
 He's verbally abusive and that's not a healthy relationship. You don't need that. It will be better to find someone else
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): look i had a bf like that and it got to were i would think it was true. one time he said he was gonna hit me if i didnt send him a pic of me with out a shrit on. i broke up with him but i still have flash backs. i have dated guys sence than and if they rays their voice at me even if they are not meaning to i say i sorry for nothing r if my friends that r guys rays their hand 2 give me a hi5 i get scared and flinch r if a guy i dating has his hand up and i think that they may hit me even if they r not the kind of guy who would i flinch and start 2 cry. u dont have 2 put up with the name calling is what i saying and u should find a new bf because u never know now it name calling tomorrow it could be hiting u. but i can only tell u what i did in my story i sorry if it not much help and ps when i was with the guy that said and thred me like that i was 14 and i 16 now i still have my fears. you can do better i know u can if i can and every other women and girl can u can 2. do what u have to and if it keeps on r now 2day end it with him and find some1 better. again sorry if i was not a help
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Why do you want to spend your life with him? From what you've told us he sounds like a bit of tosser. Tell us what's good about him that makes it all worthwhile.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (30 October 2010):
 That's called verbal abuse. He feels the need to put you down, make you weak in order to feel better about himself. A man that respects and loves you wouldn't call you bitch or lard ass regardless if he's mad or joking.
You want to be with him the rest of your life?? Why settle for less than a man? There's a lot better guys out there, that won't put you down, and consider your feelings. You tell him you don't like him calling you that, but he doesn't care and continues to do so.
Muster up what little self respect you have left, and leave this jerk. There's no making it better and there's no changing him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010): He's obviously not going to change and to be honest he sounds like a complete d**k. You're so young, you've got your whole life ahead of you, don't settle for this kind of treatment, you deserve so much more.
Dump him now, before you end up staying and regretting it, because trust me you'll regret it if you don't.
This guy obviously has self esteem issues himself and feels the need to put others down to make himself feel better. If you stay your self confidence will disolve and he'll ruin you.
Walk away, have a good life and find somebody who loves and treats you with the respect you need and deserve.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 October 2010):
 Well said, Caring Guy, well said indeed.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 October 2010):
Why do you want to spend your life with a guy who only puts you down? That's like sleeping with a crocodile. A man who sits there treating you like this doesn't respect you, love you or care about you. So why stay with someone who doesn't care? Why have children with a man who doesn't care? Why? What does it prove? What will you achieve?
Sometimes, people (women more often than men), like to ignore signs, or believe they can fix problems with other people. Usually, it's through a severe lack of confidence and self esteem. You need to be seeing this guy for what he is, rather than what you're imagining. He's not some decent guy who's going to be there for you, or protect you, or make you truly happy. But he will be there every day to make you feel worse.
If you stay with this guy, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You will bring children into a miserable relationship where they see their mother treated like dirt.
Wake up! He's not a good boyfriend. He takes pleasure in making you feel bad. He laughs at you when he calls you these names. And you sit there and take it. This won't get better unless you end it, move on and find a better guy.
This is your life with him. Miserable and ultimately pointless.
Regain your dignity and respect and dump him.
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