A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We have been together for almost 5 months. And last weds he told me that he thinks he's not ready for a relationship and he can't keep lying to me or hurt me (he lied to me once and he always feels guilty about it) I know he's a good guy and this is not an excuse for him to see other girls. I know that our relationship has up and down but he said it's not supposed to be like this. He feels uncomfortable and he always worries if I'm going to be upset about what he does, i know that the big part of breaking up is my fault but he trying to say it's not. It's him that sucks in a relationship. and this is the longest serious relationship he ever had. he said it's hard for him to get in touch with his emotions and that why it's so hard for me to feel appreciated. we spent most of our time together i stay at his 5 days a week. he said thta he still wants me in his life because he has a good time when we are together but when it comes to relationship part it's stressing. I asked him to give us a chance because i don't think it's fair for me too when he thinks this relationship has a prob and we didn't discuss about it. Although we tried to start hang out as friends just right after the break up i know its not working but i was still at his place. We laughed and joked like normal but the part that hurt me the most is i can't hold his hand or touch him like i always do, and he felt the same he said it's natural to hold your hand. when i suggest him if theres any possible that we can try again he give me the sad look because he knows the answer is not going to be what i want to hear. he said the feeling is change but he still attracted to me. and have feeling for me. now i'm back at my place. he said we never spent more than 3 days apart so maybe if we try then we would know exactly what we feel. he said if he continue seeing me it's like hes lying to himself and me that this relationship is ok. but for me hanging out with him as friends is like lying to both of us that i'm ok with that too.I know that you gonna suggest me to give us sometime apart and when im ready to be his friend then it will be, but the point is i'll be abroad for a year in two months and i want to spend all the happy and all the good time, make the most of it with him. because i know that we are so happy together and this is the first guy i ever say i love you. i know he still care about me alot. but in the last 2 days that we are not together he hasn't text me yet.i told him before i leave that i hope that the happy time that we had together would fight anything against the relationship and wants me back. he said we will see. i need sometime to think and you too.I'm going to his place tomorrow to get all my stuff though. what should i do? i know i shouldn't beg and plead but to show him that i'm ok would make he thinks that i'm ok with this and he would be happy because he hates seeing me upset.I don't want to finish it this way!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): What you should do?
Move on time to face life on your own.
He changed. You need to accept the fact that he doesn't Love you the way you love him.
Repeat that yourself. do you want to stay in a one sided love?
let me say you this, Excuses is another form of rejection.
Pls. open your eyes and save yourself from sadness and madness. I do think you deserve someone better. Pls. read my article how to forget someone you love the quickest way.
I wrote that article for people who have a hard time to move on after they split up with someone. It will help you.
It did for me. Good Luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): I'm pretty sure that he wouldn't want to be FWB. It seems like he cares so much about me and that hurts. He would respet ever of my decision. i think the problem is himself. He needs to sort out his own issue about can't handle being in a relationsip and when it comes to problem he needs to fix it. not to feel bad about it and run away.The asker
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 But what difference does it make how this finishes ?
You are going away for one year in two months, if he can't handle a relationship with you IRL , imagine long distance !
I think LDR would definitely not be an option for him... and I think that instead ,in the back of your mind, you think you still have two months to rekindle the flame and start it over, so the more exposure time you get...
That's delusional, he has been very clear , and btw if you already caught him in a lie once, he COULD also be telling lies again about his non wish to see other women- not that it makes much difference. For him, the relationship part is over, - and btw I've also got the feeling that he is elegantly, smoothly pushing you toward a two months FWB fling, but tbh I am not sure, maybe he does want to still see you as a friend.
Anyway , you don't HAVE TO do what he wants. As you know already the most sensible option would be to go no contact and colour him gone. But, if you feel you can handle these two months with him in a non official- non relationshipy position ( either as a platonic friend or ... not so platonic ) and you want to accumulate sweet memories or whatnot, and you'll be able to do that without drama, tears, and traume, then go ahead, at the end of the day it's just two more months. , it won't change the basic nature of things.
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