A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey you guys,Just a week ago, I went on a date with a guy that I had met on a dating website. He convinced me to meet him a Saturday evening (9:30 pm- which is quite late for me normally). Anyway, I made it safely and we met. We hung out with his friends at a bar for a while and as we were talking, he said "I don't want you to get mad but I want more than a casual relationship (the kind we talked about in our emails). I was quite surprised but he explained why he felt that there could be more. I thought I was smart because I do speak 5 languages (that I was able to show him among his foreign friends). Anyway, at some point of time someone asked me to dance- but being on a date with him - I said "NO". And he told me that he did not like the fact that the guy asked me to dance. During the whole evening he kept telling how attracted he was to me and that he didn't like the fact that I was talking to his friends (that I had just met that evening). He had 2 drinks and I had one and then we left. I told him that I had to go home but it was almost 2am and I live an hour away from where we were at. So I finally accepted to go his place and he knowing that I was a little uncomfortable with the situation, he promised that he would NOT do anything to hurt me. And I trusted him on that. Eventually he did behave like a gentleman. During the whole time we were in bed- he kept telling how special he thought I was, that I had to promise him that I will be his girlfriend from then on and that I will visit him on the weekend, whenever I can. I agreed! The next morning he even offered to fix me breakfast but I had to leave to prepare for an exam. He accompanied me to the taxi stand and kissed me and even asked me to call or text as soon as I get home, which I did. He did not answer and since I knew he was tired, it didn't bother me.Later in the evening, I called and he didn't answer. I saw him online and asked why he ignored my call and he said because he was tired. I understood and wished him good night.The following day, I texted him to ask if he was feeling better and he never answered me. So in the evening, I emailed him and asked that he tells me what was going on. And to my surprise he wrote "You are not what I expected and not exactly what i am looking for. I had a good time, but I didn’t feel the connection. Sry" I don't get it. He almost begged me to be his girlfriend and said so many nice things to me. I just want to understand what was or is going through his mind. He said the sex was great (and it was I must admit). Can somebody explain this weird psyche to me? Well, now I feel used and lied to and he dragged me into something and I can't seem to be able to get over that night. Please bring some light~~ Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi~ thanks for your perspective on the subject. You are absolutely right.
It was late and it wasn't the best idea to go meet a complete stranger that late.
BTW- yesterday I emailed him and asked the following:
___"Did my personality and or my physical appearance turn you off or did you find someone that you feel more connected with?" - Be honest plz - bcoz I have been with you all the way__
His answer: "It was more of your Personality then anything.....Physically your are georgous! I also have been talkin to someone and we decided just recently to take it to the next level.....I just dont think we were a good match as far as personality wise is concerned."
Please forgive his English.
But again, the whole evening he kept telling that he wasn't with anybody and that I was the only one. Now he comes up with his other relationship.
I don't quite understand but I think it doesn't matter anyway.
I should just learn from this and move on
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Sounds like whatever you did he wasn't suited. He was the one who invited his friends along then when you were friendly he didn't like it. Someone asked you to dance, which wasn't your fault, you did the right thing by refusing and he still didn't like it.
I'm surprised you met up so late with a man you didn't know. It was lucky he wasn't a dangerous type. It does sound like he just wanted the sex.
He sounds awful. The best ones are prepared to get to know you first, so value yourself and wait next time until you get to know the person before you jump into bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's what I thought too. That he was only after the sex. I have to give it to him- he was a professional sweet-talker.
In fact, I had never been in bed with a man that made me feel so special. I use to think that guys like him- who are out there just to get laid, are not very emotional in bed.
He talked to me like I was his already. Even in the morning he didn't want me to leave but he understood that I had to.
This situation is bugging and it's taking all my energy because I am still trying to figure what went wrong.
If there is anyone out there that seems to understand- please hit me!!!
Thanks u guys
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (28 April 2009):
you want the truth,
by claiming that the sex that you had was good
though you didnt have any sex, clears many things
u c all what this guy was after was sex,
and he left you because he thought that you are hard and far more better than him (( your personality,you education,may be also your physical appearance and financial situation)) and there for he simply left you for another girl whom would be easier to get and to manage and he would feel more safe by being with her..
all the best,
and good luck with a better guy darling
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): If I was being harsh i'd say he was after only one thing (sex) and now he's got it he's off for the next conquest. He should have made it clear that it was casual and all his talk of longer term commitment makes him unreliable at best. If i was more generous i'd say he's playing it cool now to see how you react, but again this would seem to be immature at best.
You come across as well balanced in your question (I hestitate to use the word "nice" not because you don't seem it but because i'm always described as nice but rarely get the girl!!) but my gut feeling is that this guy may be good in bed but he's going to be a bit of a pain in the backside in the long run. Move on and find someone better. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009):
That hurts.
He sounds like a total dick to me.
It sounds like just what you fear, that he was literally just saying anything & everything to get you into the sack. I don't know what else it could have been.
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