A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with my boyfriend who I DO love from the bottom of my heart. Just thinking about him gets my heart fluttering! I'm always wondering what I can do to make our relationship grow.However, and it's difficult to admit this even anonymously, I have a major crush on someone I work with. He is eyecandy to the max... gorgeous hair, eyes, and a smile. He is incredibly fun to be around. I'm pretty sure he KNOWS that he is very attractive because he is a huge flirt. Today he took off his ring, looked at me, and said, "oh look! I'm single again".Obviously I don't love him or feel for him like I feel for my boyfriend. He's married, I'm in a relationship, and I would never stoop to a level and cheat on my boyfriend. But I still feel very guilty for my feelings. He's very attractive and fun to be around.My question is... is this normal or totally wrong of me? A part of me wishes I wouldn't work so close to him so I could get over my crush... but a part of me REALLY enjoys his company.And no.. my boyfriend doesn't even know this guy exists.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Totally fine and NORMAL.
I'm married. I love my husband I would never cheat. I have several guys at work that I flirt madly with. They are married and flirt right back.
For many of us flirting is like breathing... it's natural and it's fun and it does not mean anything serious.
A
female
reader, loony89 +, writes (13 September 2013):
i think having crushes is totally normal and everyone, single or not, has them. what is strange and kinda sketchy to me is the fact that your bf has no clue who this person whose company you enjoy oh so much. When I talk to my bf, about someone in my life (school, work, random encounter) and they are cute, i never shy away from mentioning it. They're attractive and that's all there is to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Having a crush, being attracted to someone else, etc we can't control, but what we can control is our own behaviour.
The best way to handle this? Whenever you deal with Mr Sexy at work, imagine your boyfriend being present. If you know you would feel bad or guilty or he would not like it, then don't do it. Why flirt when it can't go anywhere as he is married and you are taken.
Treat others the way you want to be treated. So if you don't want your boyfriend to flirt with other girls, then don't flirt with other guys. Some people and couples are all ok with that, but if it's not your dynamic, don't do it.
If you had seen it as harmless, you wouldn't have commented on it, and you wouldn't be embarrassed even anonymously to admit it. Be careful, it may get out of hand and the flirting goes to the next level, then you have a big problem. A long triangle where you are the other women in his marriage - not to mention your boyfriend who you SAY you love, but your actions need to go with the words too.
You can "enjoy the menu" as my married colleagues always say, just don't take it to the next level!
In my case, since having my boyfriend, I never flirt - why bother? you get the opposite sex excited with no reason because you have no intention of following through on the banter. My man is the only one I want to flirt with now.
Think about it... appreciate the view of the sexy guy, but stop flirting and getting too personal. Stay professional, albeit friendly and you will sleep better at night ;-)
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A
female
reader, PeachCobbler03 +, writes (13 September 2013):
 I think having crushes is normal. We're human, and just because we're in committed relationships, doesn't mean we're dead! Regarding the flirting...well, that depends. Would you be upset of your boyfriend was flirting with one of his sexy female coworkers? If not, then I suppose it's okay, but if you found out your boyfriend was flirting, and this would upset you, then maybe you should cut out the flirting.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Hey, there's nothing wrong with crushing on an attractive person. Some people just have that humph-factor that dazzles people around them. A crush is harmless, as long as we respect the boundaries of our relationships, and those of the people we crush on.
Don't feel guilty; because you think he's cute. He works close to you, so you'll get caught up in his charms. It will pass as most crushes do.
From your description, you're probably not the only female who likes to flirt with him, and flirting is fine. He's enjoying the attention and taking it all in fun. Do the same, and all is well.
Just don't call out his name with you're being intimate with your man, girlfriend! :)
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