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anonymous
writes: I live in the U.K. and was married for over 25 yrs to an Eastern European woman, then she had an affair. She blamed me for it and criticised me for being small (4 in) and circumcised, (boring) not like her lover. His size and foreskin made for better sex. More to use and play with. I totally lost confidence in my sexuality. Unfortunately I also discovered that I had contracted genital warts from her. The marriage has now broken down and we are divorcing. I have now found another woman whom I have feelings for, as she does for me, but I am terrified of going further. 1, In case I am criticised. 2, Fear of infecting her. I do not want to live a life of celibacy. What do I do?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 April 2005):
 For a start, try to put the blame for your divorce where it belongs: your ex-wife had the affair. Your ex-wife brought home genital warts. Your ex-wife criticised the size of your penis and made you feel less of a man. Those were unfair things to do to you... and quite literally, "below the belt".Whatever you might yourself have done to contribute to the marriage breakown, those problems above are her fault and you're not responsible for any of them.You will need to tell your new woman about the STI you contracted from your ex, but not until a time when it's clear that you both are ready to have sex. Please remember that you're not the only one who has been in this predicament, so she may not even be shocked when you tell her, though it's important to be prepared. Obviously you need to disclose the information well before sexual matters get to the 'urgent' phase. I suggest that you speak to your doctor soon and ask him/her about strategies for avoiding infecting your partner. Condoms will certainly be part of an overall strategy, but your doctor can tell you much more than I can. Also try researching STIs (sexually transmitted infections) on the web, so you know what you're dealing with and can get up to date information.When the time comes to level with your new partner, tell her that you want to be perfectly honest about something important. Then, don't dress it up, just say straight out that your ex played around and left you with genital warts. You'll know what to tell her next, depending on what your doctor tells you about the infection.As to the size of your penis, PLEASE don't let this be a worry for you! Your ex was wrong, wrong, wrong to make *her* infidelity an issue about *your* phallic endowment. It was never about that - she just used whatever excuse for her playing around that she could think of. Shame on her for trying to make it your fault.Any woman will tell you that they'd rather have a careful, caring, sensitive lover with a 4-inch penis than a clod with a whopper he doesn't know how to use. Be a sensitive lover and you'll see that for yourself. That's another "research project" you can set for yourself: ways to give pleasure to women. I'm sure your new woman can be persuaded to be your "research partner"...Hope it all works out!
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