A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After being in an abusive relationship and having some very unpleasant dates, one of which turned into a stalker, I find myself unable to stand a man's touch anymore. It makes me literally quite sick. I still have a sex drive, but it dies around my dates. What's wrong with me? What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): I was abused when I was younger and I have found therapy to be helpfull. It really did save my life!
A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (22 April 2007):
 hey, i have had the slightly same problem.i was attacked on a holiday and came back to my boyfriend very nervous and unable to get intimate with him again for a while.there is nothing wrong with you, you have had very bad experiences!you need to get comfortable with yourself again before you can trust another guy.if you have any male friends,confide in them and you'll learn to trust again on a non intimate level.you need to be able to be comfortable with a man again without worrying about intimacy.just take it slow and if your dating explain that you may not be ready to get intimate right away.if you try and jump back in,you may get hurt again.like i said just try and take it slow and get to know your date.wen u feel comfortable with a man again slowly let yourself get intimate with him,not all men are the same and you will soon see that.i hop that helps??!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2007): What is wrong, anon, is that you have had many (well, enough) bad experiences at a young age. It is understandable why you are reacting as you are. You have my profound feelings. I cannot apologize for my entire gender. I have had enough problems with some of them, myself. Males are not a "club". And contrary to many disgruntled females, we are definitely not all alike. If we were, we would not often feel the necessity of pounding the crap out of each other. I know there are creeps out there. And it is not always easy to spot them. They look generally like everyone else. And someone who is a "great guy" to his mates is often a psychopath when it comes to women. Even other males cannot always spot them. They are good at camoflage. They know instinctively that other males would shun them and spread the word. I am very sory for what happened to you. It will probably take time. And seeing a counselor or therapist is not unheard of, you know. As to the dating....maybe you should hold off for a while. You are not emotionally ready now, in my opinion. When you feel you are ready, use caution about whom you associate with. Are you religious? Even if you are not, there are many churches who have young singles groups. You might be surprised how "Non-uptight" (is that a legitimate word? smile) they are. They simply have values not often found in the public at large today. You might look into that. At any rate, keep feeling good about yourself. You have done nothing to condemn yourself for. Being trusting is not a "fault". It can just be a terrible betrayal sometimes. Would that we all did not have to question everyone else's motives. But the world has been this way for a long, long time. The evil can often blind us to the good that is out there, and that is sad. Because there is much good and many good people. Luvs, Tom
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