A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, my final semester of college I developed feelings for one of my professors. I think he has some feelings for me, showing through eye contact, touching, random emails, and just a really strong connection. Problem, well the first was I was his student...solved because I graduated. Second he is twice my age, but I don't see this as a big one. Third, and major..he has a live in girlfriend. I would never want him to cheat on her but how do I know if it was just harmless flirting or real feelings between us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): Thank you all for your responses. FA, I really like your perspective on cheating and logic. It made me look at him in a new light. With that said, we went to lunch together and the following day he invited me out later in the evening. We just talked and walked around and he mentioned the gf but didn't really go into details of their relationship nor did I ask. There was some touching on his part but it could have been friendly/caring and nothing more. I have since left the area, moving on, and received a random text from him. It was just about something we had in common but, none of my other former professors made that move. I know I should just forget about it, but I enjoy his company and I'm not looking for a relationship, just a friendship but I don't want to think I'm misreading his signals. What are your thoughts FA?
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 May 2010):
 If you have graduated and he hasn't contacted you then it's quite obvious that he isn't interested. If he was, you certainly would have heard from him now. Move on chickie, your future awaits.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (24 May 2010):
 So you are looking to settle down with a confirmed cheater? Okay, that was rude, think of it as a bit of shock therapy. Lets analyze the situation dispassionately.
Possibility one. He has feelings for you. That means that he is dishonest in his relationship with his live in. Either they are on the outs, or he has a wandering eye. If you encourage his attention he will end up cheating on her. And you end up in a relationship with a cheater.
Possibility two. He is just friendly and doesn't have feelings for you. You could pursue him. Should he accept your advances he would be cheating on his live in. And you would be in a relationship with a cheater.
Now, I know you said that you would never want him to cheat on her. So the question you have "how do I know if it was just harmless flirting or real feelings between us?", isn't really important. If you don't want him to cheat on her then, logically, you don't want him to have feelings for you. The best course of action for you would be to discourage him from expressing any feelings for you.
You may be mistakenly thinking that he will leave his live in girlfriend and pursue you because of the connection he feels with you. You might think that that separation would make his attraction to you honest. But the fact is that if he feels a connection with you, and if he has cultivated feelings for you while he was in a relationship with her, then he has already cheated with you in his heart.
There is the cold hard logic of it. I know it is hard to treat emotional issues with logic. I hope that you can find the strength to do it this time because this can only lead to hurt.
FA
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