A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a difficult situation. I went out with my ex on and off for 15 months. He is very stubborn, and we hardly saw or spoke to each other. I have been friends with someone that he knows for a while. They aren't very close friends, but have known each other a long time. I found out a couple of weeks ago that this guy has liked me for a long time. I have also liked him for a long time.We both had a face to face discussion with my ex last night. My ex was angry and said that he thought that me and this guy had done something behind his back, which we haven't. It was awkward because my ex said he still loved me and asked me if I really wanted to throw 15 months away. He also asked this guy why it happened. I used to confide in this guy when me and my ex had problems. He said that he didn't tell me that he liked me sooner out of respect for me still being with my ex. I started arguing with my ex last night about the bad things that happened, and this guy looked upset. I haven't exactly told my ex that I want to be with this guy yet. Do you think I should tell him or just carrying on seeing this guy without telling my ex about it?. I'm also worried because this guy had also been in some on and off relationships and it makes me wonder why it was on and off. I have Asperger's Syndrome, and that also makes things stressful for me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 March 2017):
 Honestly if you are not wanting to be in a relationship with your ex and you have made that clear to him then you really have no need to tell him about your current love life, as it is your business. It will be difficult for him as he still loves you, so I think the kindest thing you can do to your ex is end all contact and allow him to move on. You are single and free to see whoever you want.
A
female
reader, Campari Milano +, writes (6 March 2017):
I can't pretend to know what it's like to have Asbergers, but I do truly think that honesty relieves a lot of stress. All three of you should just be honest with each other.
If this other guy makes you happy, go for it. Tell your ex and he will just have to deal with it. You aren't children, for God's sake!
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 March 2017):
 You could be sending mixed messages to the EX especially when you've seen him off and on in the last 15 months. Even though the EX is frustrating and stubborn, he's been filling a void in your life?
To me it's about loneliness, not letting go of one before you get another. Sometimes we just don't want to accept a relationship has failed or is no good for us. In any case recycling an EX or having them around for company very rarely makes good sense. Unless you like roller-coaster emotions and a drama filled life. Because at the end of the day one of you will certainly move on.
Whatever the case, it's simply misleading any EX to hope when they have feelings of their own. For me, when there's no children involved there's no need to be so chummy thereafter.
Meanwhile it's early stages with the new guy, so ask those questions why he's had on and off communication within his relationships... Does he appear to keep his ex's on simmer for when he's in between relationships?
Take Care - CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): Let le tell you first that I was diagnosed by some doctors to have Asperger's while others disagree. Regardless of the label, I know I have problems when it comes to socializing that I have been dealing with.Now, why is your ex still in your life and why would you care about what he thinks?He's there because you LET him be there. Are you afraid of being alone? Is he abusing the fact that you are just being nice to him? Is he misinterpreting your signals?First of all you should make up your mind. As far as I could understand, you guys broke up because your relationship wasn't working. Fifteen months is a long time, enough for you to know if someone is good for you, if a relationship is good. There are many tupes of relationships and what works for you may not necessarily work for anyone else. For instance, I don't quite understand your description of hardly ever seeing and talking to your ex. For me it wouldn't be a relationship at all.Anyway, why did you fell the need to explain yourself to your ex? With your current love interest no less?You don't owe him anything. He's your EX and by definition should not be concerned with your life. I don't know what kind of contact you guys have, but keep your private life out of it. If he was just your bf and you don't work together or see each other on social functions, I'd cut him off completely. At least until he accepts the fact that you guys are history.Just be aware of the fact that some people can become obsessed once their partners break up with them. They think that they could do better if given a second chance. They pry and try to influence the lives of their ex. Some do not accept reality as long as their ex is single, some not even after their ex has another partner.Again he will have as much space as you give him. Make up your mind and keep him out of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2017): Your guy friend sounds decent to me. It's worth a try. Don't look too far ahead. Just take it one day at a time and give yourself a chance to be happy. Your ex is a jerk.
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