A
female
age
36-40,
*ry
writes:ok this is hard i havent told anyone-my son is 2 1/2mo's old i got prego by my first cousin nobody no's who the father is its been a hard secret to keep for a year .in the past when i was 14 he was 19 we got caught doing it in a car he went to jail for 3 years and now is a fellon and sex affender cause of it the family was traumatized of what he had done now im 25 and legal with age to be with him and have a new born babe together the family still dosent know and would look down on us every time my mom comes over i hide everything of his and he hides too. he also has kids with another woman and hes affraid that his kids would look at him diffrentley and not love him anymore.and im affraid that my mom will disown me thair is so many problems and so many more questions....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): You and your family are traumatized by and are victims of a set of ideals invented by humans which probably will be laughed at in a couple of centuries. I dont see a monster in my mind when I imagine your cousin. I dont see a hopelessly pathetic messed up girl when I imagine you. I just see two human beings trying to live their lives with their vulnerabilities and struggles. Dont feel bad, not even a bit for what has happened so far. But dont expect others to see eye to eye with you in this matter. Be strong and be ready to tell people off when they try to run your life for you, be it even your mother.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 I think some professional help in this case is your best option, as a qualified professional will be able to give you so much more help than anyone can on here.
I think what your family will have been most upset about is the fact he went to jail, more than the relationship between the two of you. I am guessing you love this man, and that you want to be a proper family with your new baby. So just do it - having a loving family around this baby is the most important thing, nothing else should matter apart from the three of you being together.
I think you should probably tell your mother and the rest of your family - yes they will be angry and upset, and maybe they wont talk to you for a while. But at the end of the day that is your mum, and most mums would come round in the end. When she sees the three of you together, and the new baby she may be able to accept it.
And with regards to your partners other children, I am assuming they are young children (please correct me here if I am wrong) so for the time being, they wont really understand what it is that could be percieved as wrong about your relationship. The new baby will just be a new brother/sister to them, they wont see it any other way until they are older. And by then, they will have formed a bond with your child, they will hopefully know you pretty well so they wont be too angry about it.
While some people dont agree with what you have done, others dont see a problem with it. You have to be prepared for some hard times but the most important thing is that you love each other, and want to be a family. Be honest with people, you might just be suprised at how some people will happily accept it and wont treat you any differently.
But go see a therapist, they will be able to provide you with emotional support if you do decide to tell your family about your situation, and this will be invaluable to you when times get hard.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, 24yeahright  +, writes (10 March 2009):
Find a way to make it work. Better for your kid to have a father than to live in fear of people finding out what really isn't that much of a horrible secret.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Seek counseling to guide you to what is right for you to do. There is little else any of us could say for a situation this big.
You did nothing wrong in my opinion. Unfortunately, it sounds like your family won't agree.
Seek professional help. It will at least make you feel better to have someone to regularly talk with.
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