A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey agony aunts. I hav been seeing a guy for about two months. We are both 30 years old. At 1st I wasnt sure if I wanted to hang out with him but somehow, he kept on sending little messages on facebook until i gave him my number and we went out. (i have known for a while as a collegue but we never dated). He has never realy been the calling type we communicate more through facebook inbox. He travels a lot because of work and talks about his job a lot, he is an intellectual which i like because we discuss so many things but somehow he doesnt talk much about his life or his future plans (therefore there is no emotional bond being created between us). He is not married and he still lives with his mom. Of late though he isnt communicating with me as often as he used to through facebook or via sms, no goodmorning/or goodnite messages like before. On the rare occasions that he calls, he says he will call back but never does. But when i sms or facebook him he answers instantly. In the last 5 days i havent heard from him. He sent me a message saying that he was away and had gotten back the day before. He said he would call me this weekend and we would hang out. Last weekend he sent a message saying was just chilling at home and he didnt take me out. Tonite as i write this he just updated his facebook status and wrote that he was at my favorite jazz club. I dont know if he is alone or with friends. When we go out we always hang out the same place (i know that he can afford to take me out to other places) with the same people (some neighbourhood friends) Now i like him but i havent slept with him and I hav no intentions of doing so until I am sure he is commited. We have kissed several times including at once at his work place but he doesnt seem to be overly keen on sex although he has fondled my boobs several times nothing more. I just cant get his mixed signals, is he serious about me or not. He isnt putting that much effort to impress me in my opinion. Should i continue dating him or just leave him alone. One of my male friends tells me to be wary cause he reckons that the guy is not serious and mite break my heart in the long run. Should i go out with him this weekend and tell him in subtle ways that i want something more serious or should i just ignore him when he calls. I dont like the fact that he is sending these mixed signals that hav me all confused.
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female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (10 March 2012):
Oh dear, I actually feel that I could have wrote this Post myself word for word!
Having been through this myself very recently (and still licking my wounds right now) all I can say to you is, don't waste your time on him. If he was really that interested in you he would be making lots of effort - men are hunters and if he was interested, believe me, you would know about it and he would be in touch a hell of a lot more!
Please, don't get in to the position I am in right now, get him out of your head and move on!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 IMO, mixed signals = no signals. If a person is really into you and wants you to take him seriously, the signals will always be loud clear and inequivocable. They absolutely won't keep you guessing and decoding,- they'd be worried that if you don't get the message clear enough you may get tired or get distracted by somebody else.
The guy sounds lukewarm, he has some interest in you, but as long as you don't take him too much of his time and effort and fit conveniently in his schedule.
So I don't think he wants anything more than what you two have already got going.
You can always ask , though. There's nothing wrong in stating clearly and honestly what you need and want in terms of relationships. He probably is not the one who'll give you what you want - but at leat you could stop playing guessing games .
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 March 2012):
IMO, mixed signals = no signals. If a person is really into you and wants you to take him seriously, the signals will always be loud clear and inequivocable. They absolutely won't keep you guessing and decoding,- they'd be worried that if you don't get the message clear enough you may get tired or get distracted by somebody else.
The guy sounds lukewarm, he has some interest in you, but as long as you don't take him too much of his time and effort and fit conveniently in his schedule.
So I don't think he wants anything more than what you two have already got going.
You can always ask , though. There's nothing wrong in stating clearly and honestly what you need and want in terms of relationships. He probably is not the one who'll give you what you want - but at leat you could stop playing guessing games .
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