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writes: I am married recently had a brief emotional affair with a married co-worker. My wife and I are going through a tough time right now. I don't have any kids. I just changed jobs. My wife and I are going to counseling and trying to work on our marriage. I AM IN A LEGAL BATTLE WITH MY FORMER EMPLOYER. We live in a place I hate; not my home, but the city.We are trying to move back to Orange County. Now my wife's son, who is 30 and down on his luck after hitting the state lottery for $70,000 and blowing it all. My wife has suggested he come stay with us until he gets on his feet. I am a very private person and told my wife from day 1 I did not like having anyone else stay with us.With everything that is going on I feel this will only delay our progress and shake things up even more. At times her son can be rude and disrespectful to my wife and I would just lose it if he did that to her. I am in a tough situation here; please help me out. What should I do?
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reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 This is not a young man we are talking about here,your step-son is a grown man who should be quite capable of looking after himself.
Of course your wife feels obligated in helping her son out, he is still her baby no matter what his age is.
You need to make your feelings quite clear to your wife, and if no solution can be reached and she insist on him staying with you, you might be wise to put some sort of time limit on it. Give him a month or two to sort himself out, and basically grin and bear it for your wife's sake, but when his time is up put your foot down and insist he moves on.
If you can't bring yourself to do that you have some tough decisions to make, by flatly refusing to help your step-son it may bring some resentment into the relationship you have with your wife.
If you agree and it all goes wrong once again you could have resentments of your own. A catch 22 situation I think.
Unfortunatly you cannot please all the people all the time, and some sort of compromise will need to be reached.
Your wife and step-son have to made aware of your feelings from the beginning, and if you allow him to stay for a short while you at least cannot be accused of being uncaring, set your limits and stick by them!
Good luck!
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