A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone! I wanted to ask for a mans view on this one..... I've met and am living with the most wonderful man, thought they didn't make them like him anymore but poof here he is. Anyhow, he is going through a divorce at the moment and I have an issue with him "helping" his ex who is to say the least a "princess". We spoke about him cutting the cord so to speak and not running to her rescue, well at least I thought we did. This may be me just making something out of nothing so let me know. He left for work the very day after we talked about this while he was telling me she left a voice mail adking him to drop off a pack of smokes cause she was broke..... On his way to work he went bought her the smokes and took them to her before she left for work. Now, I was pissed cause I "asked" him not to do this and he turnes right around not offering to tell me I had to ask! What do you think? I just worry that he still may have feelings for her even though he says not a chance. I just don't want to wreck things by being overprotective and on the same note I sure don't want to give him the impression it's okay to see her whenever I'm not around. Thanks for your advice everyone:)
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divorce, his ex, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): so glad we could be of service.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer anonymous (last answer) He is NOT still living with her, he IS legally seperated and the divorce will be final in a couple of weeks so please don't think I'm anyones mistress! You sound very bitter and lonely, sorry!
Thank you to Armywife, Honeypie and Damluvaam for your oh so helpful wise advice. After all , it's people like you all that make this site work so well :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 May 2009):
 If the divorce isn't final they are "technically" still married.
First off, do you know the reason they are getting divorced?
It is hard when you have your partner's ex's butting in constantly, however I would tell him how it makes you feel to be the "second" fiddle. However if you keep having to tell him NOT to see her, you will end up being the "bitch", the one who WATCHES for him to make mistakes so you can point them out, the bad guy so to speak.
I would take the time to quite calmly express how him running to her makes you feel. You shouldn't HAVE to re-tell that over and over, you are not his mom.
If he just don't get it you are either going to have to bite your lip and watch him run at her beck and call or you will have to tell him to take a hike til he is truly single.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Well if the man is as amazing as you think he is, then the prblems with the marraige were probably either mutual or on her end. So either she was a total B***h, or they just fell out of love and couldn't be together anymore. So i don't think he would still have feelings for her, otherwise they wouldn't not have resorted to this level.
But they do probably care for each other very much, which would make it very, very difficult for him to not reach out to her when she needs something. I'm sure he still cares about her as a person, and cares about the way she feels, so him taking her the cigarettes was more of an incapapbility of letting her be in need than it was a defiance of you.
Try to let this one go, but talk about the reasons behind why he feels he has to go when she calls. Does he feel guilty? Is he getting most everything in the devorce and she is left with almost nothing? Was is something he did wrong and hasn't forgiven himself?
Whatever it is, if he says he has no romantic feelings for her, then i'm sure he does not.
Because they do have a history together and should still care about each other, i don't think you should restrict him completely from flying to her rescue. That's a little too tough. Maybe have him call you before he gives her an answer and you two can talk about it first, and whatever you come to a decision on together is what he does.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): babes, you are having an affair with a married man (he is legally married) and as a mistress you don't have any claim to his time spent with his wife. yes he can still be around for her. you cannot dictate the terms of his relationship with his wife. you call her a "princess" why are you so insecure. your demanding and laying down the rules about his wife is the easiest way to lose your married man. also, kindly note, you are his rebound relationship. so just enjoy for now until he "finds" himself. please be careful, you are starting to sound like a wife!
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