A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I’ll be turning 27 soon and have never had any sort of romantic relationship with a woman. I just can’t seem to figure this out. From what I hear from friends and family I should have no problem attracting women. I’m told that I’m an attractive guy and I tend to agree. I’m not wealthy by any means, but I’ve managed to save up a bit and can hold my own. Personality wise I’m a pretty easygoing person. I hate to use the term “nice guy” because of all its negative connotations nowadays, but I’m generally a kind and genuine type of guy. Friends and family mean the world to me and I’d do anything to help them if they needed it. You really realize what’s important in life after a few deployments down range. While I may not be into the whole club and bar scene, I have no shortage of friends. I’m working on finishing my four year degree right now and am really looking forward to starting a new job as a police officer come January.That’s me in a nutshell. I’m no “nice guy” doormat, but I’ll always be there for those I care about and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with showing a bit of chivalry. I guess I don’t see why women wouldn’t be interested in a guy like me either. Yet for some reason women only seem interested in being friends with me. Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy having female friends. It’s just that I end up with a lot of friends and no girlfriends. It’s not like I’m hiding my intentions either. It’s pretty obvious that a guy is interested in more than friendship if he asks a woman out. I can’t seem to figure this out. Most of the guys I know have no problem when it comes to this. They seem to have no shortage of women that want to be with them romantically. I know I have a lot more to offer than just being a good friend, but I figured that at least one other person would have realized that by now. Can anyone out there help me on this one? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 I wont sit here n blow sunshine up ur butt pal. You need to learn how to attract women. Thats it.. in a nutshell. Theres a formula to it. Read books on women psychology n start with david de angelos attraction isnt a choice. You're not a bad guy you're just doing things that create affection not attraction. Do u seek womens approval by taking them out? Buying drinks or flowers? By creating attraction n learning to do it effectively u create a dominant confident man women prefer. Tease, create sexual tension be cocky n funny n I do that by being rude n charming. Mix it up. Women dont like predictable men behavior cause its boring. They are attracted to men who have unpredictable ways but yet are in control of their own environment n know life. Don't call the girl after a great first date. Drive wildly after being a nice guy n pickin her up. She will get upset but that reaction means she's attracted, most likely cause it was exciting n unpredictable. Bring a lady friend to ur date with her. Like meet ur friend at the same place where ur lady of interest is. That way she will think u have options n it will make her work for ur attention something women love bc they strive to be first. These aren't games they're simply ways of attracting women to enhance ur dating life. Read man. N practice. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2012): "From what I hear from friends and family I should have no problem attracting women."
Same old, same old, no offence OP I've seen this a million times before and not just on this site in fact I remember your earlier post when asked all the exact same things, unless that was another 27 year old ex-military guy in college who is training to become a cop. How is it that guys like you don't understand that we're men, we don't stand around hoping to attract women we're the hunters, the pursuers and wooers. You're going to be a cop, you're not going to sit there hoping crime comes to you, you're going to chase it and people down. Women don't really do that because in general they don't have to while you're standing around hoping to get noticed by that girl you like I'm whispering in her ear and flirting with her, making her feel desired and wanted, they want a guy to prove he likes them enough to pursue them. It's not rocket science. Want a friend? Befriend them, Want romance? Romance them.
"I guess I don’t see why women wouldn’t be interested in a guy like me either.2
Why would they be? When you don't make them interested?
you say you aks them out, what then? You say you don't hide your intentions but you're obviously not acting on them. OP you seem to not get how this works, you don't just anounce your intentions, you pursue, you flirt, you steal a kiss, you caress them and you never accept friendship with a girl you want o be with romantically.
OP you're far too timid, you may not be the quintessential idiotic "nice guy" but you spend far too much time and thought into this and not enough action.
Look seeing as this is almost a carbon copy of the advice I gave you previously then how about you give us some specifics about how you're "not hiding your intentions" and how you actually woo these women.
Do you flirt at all? Do you take them on dates? Are you physically affectionate with them? Do you try and kiss them at the end of dates? Do you try and get them alone so you can make moves?
It's all well and good making it obvious you like a girl but if you never act on it she'll just think you're not. OP we guys make moves when like girls, we don't just show them we like them and wait for them to make the move.
It's not even nearly hard, you could quite literally get dates tonight if you wanted. You could even find a girl for a casual hook up if you wanted.
...............................
A
female
reader, Fender  +, writes (2 November 2012):
By sound of it, I agree with ur friends n family u are a find catch plus a copper. Which manly, caring strong, don't underestimate the power of uniform has on us gals. You said ask ur female out, how did was causally or just straight out., did flirt a little. Did u look for or ask the girl that were subtle conning on to u. For me I flirt n perv a lot but very on whom I accepted. IfI like a guy I will leave very subtle hints (best looks eyes) n advise my asset to get the attention this is my invitation to u. Hey ur cute plz come n say hi. In my books a pretty face is not enough. Woo me, actually get to know, try to find a connections while always leave room for flirtations(can work wonders) just keep light n very open . This give Room to move either just friend or friendlier. I'm sure u got lot interest just may relax n go causal always leave room just in case u want move thing in different direction u can
...............................
A
female
reader, iargwath  +, writes (2 November 2012):
 Quite simply, you haven't found the right person yet. During the whole courting phase, as women we really do weigh up how we feel about someone from our gradual interactions with the person, chemistry, attraction etc. These thoughts usually comprise of how we see our relationship with the person in the long term.
It might so happen that the girls you feel romantically about just don't see you in that light, but it really has nothing to do with you as an individual at all. It doesn't make you any less of a catch if these women see you as a friend. It just means that there is someone out there that will!
You sound extremely lovely, and I'm sure you will find someone that is on the same page and wavelength as you. As cliche as it sounds, its a matter of timing. Don't be so hard on yourself as romance is all about when the moment is right - It'll happen when you least expect it, and when it does you'll be aware of it for sure. Only happy thoughts and the best of luck to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Mysterium +, writes (2 November 2012):
Hey
Even though you seem like you have everything a very good potential boyfriend a girl would consider, it seems you're too willing.
Everyone likes to get what they cant have. and so maybe you shouldnt be so available all the time to any girl. Thats like a very friend quaality. I dont mean you ought to treaet anyone badly or anything...just a little hard to get. coz trust me, that works!
Maybe if you're not always available, a girl would start to notice the dearth of your qualities and would value them more.
You've got it going right i guess, just the way you project yourself.
...............................
|
