A
male
age
36-40,
*asonras
writes:Girlfriend can't orgasm and complains of having no labido. What to do next?We've been dating for two years. We are very much in love and very close. To me she is the most beautiful and special person i've ever met. We are both attractive fit people and she says my body drives her crazy and loves to feel me. Our sex life has dwindled down. She complains that she has no sex drive and that she "wants it back." She says she has never had (or never thinks she has had an orgasm). She tries on her own and can't get to it. I love giving her oral sex and I've been told i am good at it. I try to pleasure her as often as I can. I certainly try to put her pleasure first. She says that when she was younger (15-18) it was easy for her to get aroused...she thought about sex often/wanted to masturbate a lot. She says now she hardly ever thinks about it and it can get really excited anymore basically due to her fear of failing at orgasm again. She is a very emotional and easily overwhelmed girl. She is on birth control and welbutrin (low dose for anxiety). I know these meds can affect sex drive. I honestly think it is a physical, chemical, and mental factors that is troubling her. I'm not upset with her in any way and never pressure her. I just feel bad she can't feel pleasure when we are making love. What advice or things do you think we can do/try?
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male
reader, chrissa  +, writes (5 January 2009):
you understand that the medication your partner is using does have an affect on her sex drive although i would seem to think that once she is in the mood for sex there would be no problem. Ofcourse in your case there obviously is so i would suggest you need a bit of a night in of relaxation and making her feel her completely special and spent this time on her.
The shopping list:romantic candles
bunch of roses
Masage oils your preference
lubricants/tingle/heat creams
You need to pull the petals off the roses leaving two or three scatter them on the bed then randomly throw the remaining roses on the bed place the creams there too light the candles without her seeing any of this take her for a shower together. Dry each other this will just add a bit of want and sexual tension to her. Lead her to the bedroom when she realises the effort you have made she may well have a tear in her eye she will love it. Let nature take its course from this point in. Give her an erotic massage this will hopefuly make her relax cover the whole of her body, make this night all about her. Let the night take its toll using the tingle gel to add some spice get yourself an edible one ang use the gel and carry out oral it doesnt make your tongue burn or tinle thats from experience, they can actually be tasty and your girl will love it. Your girl should then hopefuly be in the right frame of mind to orgasm and ejaculate.
A
male
reader, dasonras +, writes (4 January 2009):
dasonras is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, you had misinterpretted my arguement that diet may be a contributing factor. You had contorted to sound as though I make her feel bad about eating too many carbs - that is not the case at all. Although, I've always jokingly thought it was silly to not eat meat if you eat it in moderation. She has decided outright not to eat meat, which is an essential source of certain vitamins and nutrients that cannot be denied. Birth control seriously alters the absorption rate of amino acids (look it up, it is linked to sexual dysfunction). And yes, i am using the term "carb" correctly. Her diet consists mainly of pastas, breads, green vegetables, and legumes. Her doctor suggested taking suppliments to help get the nutrients she may be lacking from not eating a balanced diet. Why I do believe that her problems are contributed to mental factors and I am also not going to disregard the potential nutrient deficiency she may have. I encourage her to see a doctor and discuss it.
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A
male
reader, dasonras +, writes (4 January 2009):
dasonras is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree that she needs to practice on her own. She was shy about getting a vibrator but wanted one, so I got for her. I think that she also has difficulty "letting go." For me, I have a very high sex drive. I like to talk about sex, think of it, watch it, have it, etc. I never tell her but i do feel she may be a little too prudish: doesn't really want to experiment, thinks sex is dirty and messy, etc. I fear it might have to do with the way her "confirmed" crazy mother raised her.
On another note, I am a strong believer that most problems with the body are chemical. She does not eat red meat or pork. She sticks to mainly carbs and veggies. I suspect that she might have a vitamin deficiency as well. With being on birth control it is easy to become deficient in B12 and other essential amino acids (especially if you do not get them from meat). I suggest to her that she talks about this with her doctor.
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A
female
reader, ams +, writes (4 January 2009):
 You could try making sex exciting. Get a book full of positions and pick your favorites out together. Then over the next month, week, or whatever try one of them. Maybe assign a day like "sexy saturday" which is your day to try the positions.
Buy some tingling or warming lube. Ex: KY Yours and Mine
This will add new feelings and maybe make it easier for her to enjoy sex.
As for her not having an orgasm even two years into the relationship, seems to be normal. This happened to me and I thought it was always a problem with my body. It took my boyfriend and I 3 years before I had an orgasm with him.
First she needs to experiment on her own. This is important because she needs to find out what she likes.
If she doesnt know where to start she should get some lube, maybe a dildo or finger tip vibrator. (You can find all of these at Spencers or an adult store.) Usually women orgasm when their G-Spot and Clitoris are stimulated at the same time. Im sure you know where and what these are but if not i will explain and you can find diagrams Im sure on goolgle r something.
The Gspot is about 2-3 inches inside the vagina. If she inserts a finger, palm up, into her vagina and feels the side closest to the clit she should feel a ridged area. This is the gspot and when pressure is applied along with clitoral stimulation it can cause a great orgasm.
Once she perfects orgasming on her own, she can show you how to touch her right.
Let me know how it goes, if she still cant find a way to orgasm I have another Idea. Hope it helps and have fun!!
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