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male
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*illar
writes: My BF and I have been in a wonderful relationship for the past 11 years. No bad arguments, no ugly spats, just a fundamental agreement to never let it become ugly, we have agreed to express our difference of opinion and except it regardless.We recently travelled abroad for the first time and whilst we vissited gay pubs (where we come from/live are no gay venues). We would collect the brochures and then visit the various gay venues/shops along the way. One evening we were at a pub and it was only afer awhile that we realized there was a darkish room where men where going in an out. Our curiosity got the better of us and we decided to both peep and see what was happening, as it turned out, it was quite drepressing to witness anonymous guys have oral sex.This process at the time was exilharating for us and during the next two evenings we found ourselves again on the side of the voyeur.It left me feeling sad but admittedly I joined him in watching/observing what was happening in front of our eyes.On our very last day of the holiday, after some discussion whilst lying in bed after good sex, we found ourselves in a conversation which led us to now vissit a local steamhouse. We set boundaries and found the venue, got undressed with towels and started looking for IT!!!!! After about 20 minutes, I felt again very down and decided that I needed to get to the car, he stayed awhile longer and made an encounter with a guy (mutual masturbation) and returned to the car to find me sobbing my way back to the Hotel. It is now 10days later, we are both back at work, I feel empty, emotionally detached, he feels equally guilty, but I reminded him that it was a mutual decision. He says he was in a horny craze (me too) and we went against our better judgement.I feel so insecure about this, do you have advice? I feel something is lost.Many thanks,Millar
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (28 September 2006):
 It's natural that curiousity got the better of you both if you've never seen/experienced anything like this before. But as you say, you both agreed and after 11 good years it'd be a shame that a mutual choice causes any bad feeling. Maybe if you can try to see it for what it was, a holiday escapade. Take the stance that yes it happened, it's in the past, it's a one off that happened in a place a long way away. The locality may help you, as you're not likely to have the physical reminder of walking past it due to it's whereabouts. There is nothing to feel insecure about though, it'll just probably take time to rid yourself of the overwhelming feelings of guilt and regret. Don't be too hard on yourself, you're both adults and it's ok to make mistakes.
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