A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:ok guys what do you do in the following situations?1) If you have a very attractive, flirtatious friend, who tells you every time someone you’re involved with/interested in makes advances on him. I can count at least 5 occasions where I’ve had a fling with someone/or repeated sex and after its done this friend will tell me “look, thats guys not a good guy, cos he messaged me the next day after you hooked up telling me I was hot” or “he came onto me when you weren’t there”.2) is there a protocol with fuck buddies/people you’re hooking with not to try it on with your friends? And should I be seeing it as a betrayal? Or rather ‘sex is sex’ and its not like I’m a relationship with the person. Also is it trashy/a bad sign to hit on someone’s friends a day after or recently they’ve hooked up with a friend?3) What do you is the same said friend flirts shamelessly with you, and sometimes crosses a line from friendship. If he ’s oblivious to what he’s doing i.e. kissing you very closely touching your chest/ass playfully. How do you distinguish between whats innocuous horseplay/genuine interest/or a friend being a cock tease.
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reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (11 April 2014):
 I'd wonder if this friend had my interests at heart or his desire for drama and affirmation…
And sadly, I have to admit that I would do my very best to use this guy's desperate attempts for affirmation, validation and attention to entertain myself by getting him to make an epic public display of bad taste…
Ok, I wouldn't do that. But I would fantasize about it.
And I wouldn't share anything that is important to me or my friends with this guy as he's proven himself to be what another aunt here calls a "drama-llama."
I might even make stuff up and send him in entirely the wrong direction so that I could have some peace.
How many times do you have to be hit on the head before you realize that you need to protect your head? That's why they make those bicycle helmets….
Dude. Wake up. He's not your friend. Sorry!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2014): Answer to question (#1):
If you have a flirtatious-friend, it follows that you use common-sense not to introduce him to the attractive men that you've just met; because he will most likely be an opportunist, and pounce on your date the minute your back is turned. He will tell you the other-guy came on to him; when in truth, he passed your date his number. Then claims it to be the other-way around. To cover his ass. and drive a wedge between you, and your new f-buddy. You're non-the-wiser. You friend fancies you, and he sabotages your hookups and keeps you off-balance. He is undermining any chances of you finding anyone, and becoming exclusive.
Who would you believe first, your known friend? Or the guy you've just met? You friend exploits the situation; knowing you'll believe him first.
If this is repeated behavior, how come you haven't caught on yet?
Answer to question (#2):
There is a "Gay-bro Code" that we should honor among your gay mates. We don't go for the other guy's flavor-of-the-month! There may be something budding between them.
Even if you're not formally-committed to a "f-buddy;" there is still a code that you don't hit-on someone seeing your closest friends. The FWB-connection may be a blossoming relationship in the making, because you are just getting to know each-other. Sometimes feelings are delayed; or a spark may happen along the way. This happens more often between men than women. Women often fall immediately, and pretend it isn't emotional. Men are more emotionally-detached, sexually.
There is really no rule that says someone you only fool around with is off-limits. In fact, it's more up to your f-buddy, than it is to you. They can do whatever they want, and you just have to suck it up; and take blame for bragging, and showing off the new hot-boy. That YOU went through the trouble of breaking-the-ice for; and using your "personal-hotness" to attract.
You don't introduce him to the hungry-wolf-pack of bitches salivating the minute they see the pair of you.
Did your mum drop you on your soft-spot?
It is more than trashy-bag to hit on someone's casual sex-buddy behind their backs; and/or hooking-up with them, only because your sex-buddy is single and available. Real friends set boundaries out of respect and proper gay-etiquette. They also want to send the message to the sex-buddy; that you have people around you that you can trust, and they are always watching your back and looking out for you. They love you and will not let anyone hurt you.
The bitch-weasel you're calling a friend, is a sleaze-ball and a parasite. I would use the word "friend" quite loosely. Considering s/he is symbiotically using you. Like a lamprey attaches itself to a shark. The lamprey just latches onto the shark for a free ride. It enjoys the shark's scraps; and sucks blood in the process.
Answer to question (#3):
Your friend apparently doesn't think you're very bright.
Your trust is being exploited to the N-Th degree! He is feeling you up, making passes, and playing if off as just fun. My mother always taught us as kids, boys and girls; "if it doesn't feel right; it isn't!" It's okay to tease and horse-around. That's what gay and straight guys both do. If it's too consistent, and gets more and more personal; it's crossing the line. He's getting his kicks on the sly.
You need to have a talk with your friend about that. Then start from a clean-slate.
Everything that happened up to now; write it off as just a slip in judgement to turn your back on a hot-guy you've only recently met. Leaving him as prey in the clutches of your lecherous parasitic slime-bag friend.
You can't fully blame him, if you weren't going around showing-off your latest conquests. That, in-itself, is an invitation to teach you a lesson, and the error of your ways.
Trust your gay-friends around your "new boyfriends" or recent dates; as far as you can throw them. The "new-meat" is already broken-in, and he is nothing more than a fish in a barrel to hungry gay-predators. Friendship may just go out the window if he is too hot! Then it's every gay man for herself!
If there is no established or exclusive-relationship; the guy is free game, and up for grabs. You and I would respect the boundaries of friendship; but it is best to "TELL" them about your conquests. Show headless-body pics on your smartphone. Avoid tattoos and birthmarks they can identify.
Leave the rest of the details up to their imaginations.
Don't introduce them to each other as soon as you meet him; so even your date figures out how dense you are in the brain! The date will exploit the situation just as well.
I'm a gay man also. I've had similar experiences. I don't have FWB's; but I am now very good friends with men I've originally dated. We still like each other; but sex isn't a part of it anymore. We've become close and loyal friends.
Once you and a guy have been FWB's for a long-time, or you're losing interest; that's when you introduce him to the lot. Then step back, you are not a committed-couple. Therefore; what he does as a single and available man, is none of your beeswax! Nor is it his, "who" you do!
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