A
female
age
41-50,
*ock chic
writes:Why cant i accept them? A few months ago i found out my best mate is going out with an old ex of mine, i felt hurt coz she never came to me 1st asked if i be ok about it. I tried to be ok about it all, but every time i think bout them together i feel angry! I told her i cant accept them yet, she said fine get in touch when i do, that was 2 months ago. Thing is im in a happy relationship and we have a young daughter so why do i feel like this? Also i feel upset thinkin his happier with her more than when he was with me! I want to be ok with it, i want my friend back, but i cant help holding this grudge against her. Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 May 2009):
 I think the reason why this has affected you so much is because she didnt come to you first - I think that is really bad on her part to not speak with you about this originally.
I guess this all depends on how serious you and the ex were - was it a long term relationship or just a short thing? If it was long-term, and you were both very much in love then it is normal for you to be feeling like this. If it was only a short thing and you realised he is not the right guy for you then maybe you need to let go and forget about this.
He is an ex, and will be an ex for a reason. He is part of your past that has unfortunately been brought into your present again by a selfish friend of yours. Now you need to be the bigger person - focus on all the great things in your life and hope that they can have the same happiness together that you have in your life. It will be hard but as time goes on you will get used to it, the more you see them together the less it will hurt.
I think seeing an ex and a friend together is more of a shock than anything else, it is not about still wanting to be with that ex it is just such a huge suprise the brain goes into overdrive! Your friend was wrong here but maybe she really likes him, so you will want her to be happy so support her in this and be happy for her. And with regards to him, I think the reason why you worry he is happier with her is just natural jealousy. He will probably think the same about your man - he will wonder why your man makes you happier than he did!
Put it all to the back of your mind, allow time to heal, try and be supportive and happy for your friend. If you are feeling brave then maybe suggest the 4 of you go out for a meal/drinks/lunch etc. This will show you are the bigger person, that you are happy for them and you want to be friends.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (7 May 2009):
 You have nothing to logically be angry about, he is your ex!! He is your ex for a reason! You broke up, therefore he is allowed to go out with whoever he wants to! You have a daughter and your own life so get on with it and stop dwelling on him! Life is too short to fall out with your friend. The honorable thing to do is to phone her and explain that you have thought about it and you don't know why you got upset, tell her that they are a couple who you will accept. I appreciate you may have been shocked but let it go and move on! X
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I'd hold a grudge against her too - in my circle of friends there is an unwritten rule that you just don't get involved with anyone's ex's. I would not in a million years dream of getting with any of my friend's ex boyfriends. Yuck, that is truly horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If she has put a man above your friendship, then she's not really a friend. Perhaps she was always jealous of you and this is her way of getting back. Plus for her to say "fine, get in touch when you do accept them" - this is also not the actions of a TRUE friend. It hurts but you are better off without them.
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