A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I just recently lost my virginity by paying an escort. I am a nerdy guy, very awkward, love various things like horror movies, comics, etc. I love to draw. I am not very handsome, overweight, short, bald and not well endowed.It felt like a thousand pound weight was lifted off my back. However there is still one big problem. I don't know where to go from here. I still haven't had my first kiss or first date yet. I highly doubt women would be attracted to me. Nobody wanted to date me or be in a relationship with me when I was a virgin and I know that's not going to change now. I don't know where to go.
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (22 February 2021):
 OP, you lack confidence. You are totally defeated. Virgin or not with your attitude it is VERY unlikely that you are going to find a woman that wants to be with you. Listen to the advice you are getting on here! Women like men with confidence! Its sexy and attractive. A man doesn't have to look like a model to get a lady but most women are turned off by a man who walks around all depressed and defeated! Its an instance mood killer.
You need to do what you can to look better for YOURSELF first of all. If you are unhappy with your weight, then do something about it! Go on a diet, exercise get yourself in shape. If you are balding, then perhaps shave your head and rock the bald look. Many women find that sexy. Or change your hair style or wear an interesting hat.
Wear nice clothing that is flattering to you. Don't go out looking like you don't give a damn. If you don't think you are attractive then work on what you can and then hon in on your personality. Women like men that are sincere, charming and funny. Have a good personality. Yes some women like to date good looking men and looks can turn a head at first, but trust me, a good looking man won't hold onto a woman if he's a jerk! Most women just want a nice kind caring man that is attentive. He doesn't have to have model looks, lots of money or possessions but he has to be someone that draws her to him. A large penis is something that some women want but most women can deal with just about any size IF the man is caring, attentive. There are many ways to please a woman besides a penis you know!
True story...my ex husband has been married/divorced 5 times. I was wife #1. He was cute when I married him when we both 19 but over time he honestly has lost his cuteness. He is NOT attractive by standard descriptions. He is short, balding, has thick glasses, bad teeth and is too heavy for his frame. Again...he has had 5 wives. How??? He is funny. He is very funny and will make you laugh like crazy. He is charming. Women fall for that! He's just an average looking middle aged man (perhaps even less attractive than the average man) but trust me...he has not problem getting women! If he can do it, so can you.
Stop moaning about yourself and DO something about yourself and your situation. Women do not like depressing men that just feel sorry for themselves!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2021): Big deal, you've paid for sex! I'm sorry you're now out of X-amount cash for sex; yet it didn't change your life!
You're asking us what next? Well, you've already made it abundantly clear nobody wants to date you; because you're bald, short, overweight, with a tiny wiener. How do you know you're no longer a virgin if it's so small? If it can penetrate, it's at least long enough to have sex. Otherwise, that prostitute owes you change or a refund!
If you're self-defeated, you're right! You'll make no effort whatsoever; because women aren't throwing themselves at you! If they aren't voluntarily coming up to you and handing you their phone number and demanding you to take them out; there's no need for you to exert any effort on your part.
I'm not exactly sure why you've comeback to DC? You didn't pay any attention to our advice before. We aren't supernatural beings who will magically transform you into a tall handsome studly-dude with a bushy mane, and a big penis. If you believe in God, and have the faith to pray; I know He'll listen, have mercy, and give you what you've prayed for. He's done it for me lots of times! If you don't believe, don't bother! He doesn't answer your prayers, if you doubt Him! He doesn't answer the prayers of mockers! It only takes the faith the size of a mustard seed!
The way real-life works, is like this...you work with what you've got. Sometimes you have to play with the cards you're dealt! I don't know how all those bald chubby-nerds I keep seeing all over the place get those lovely women they're with? Have you bothered to ask any of them? You must know some, they live right next-door! You're probably related to some of them.
I don't feel sorry for you. I can empathize with loneliness; and would not wish you, or anyone, unhappiness. However, when somebody is so self-defeated; advice doesn't usually work. Our advice is wasted on such people; because you have to be determined, self-motivated, hopeful, and optimistic. You'll have to seek dating-prospects, flirt with unfamiliar females, and survive rejection just like everybody else. I don't know what being a nerd has to do with anything? Nerds are adorable! I'm a nerd, and that never kept me from getting my share of dates! In fact, that doesn't keep anybody from getting dates or finding love! None of what you've mentioned does! Maybe it's just you? You lack of effort thereof?
If you need encouraging words and enjoy sympathy. I guess you'll find a decent supply of it here. I'm just wondering why I see guys like you've described in such abundance? It almost seems it's the way a vast number of men look; or will eventually end-up looking. They're out there all over the place...with women by their sides!!!
I must assume those women are their wives, or girlfriends? Why are they together? They even have kids, and they're wearing matching wedding bands! I don't know about the size of their penises; but they must be functional by evidence for the ones who have kids. I won't take a survey, I'm satisfied with speculation.
The average-guy doesn't look like a model or movie-actor; they look like the guy you've described yourself to be. I guess the difference is, they aren't all self-defeated or pessimistic like you are. I know you see the same people out there that I see everyday; because they're like...all over the place! My colleagues, friends, some of my family members, and neighbors. They look like you've described, but how'd they get their wives and girlfriends?
You got your DNA from your mother and father. How did they manage to find each-other? Were they Venus and Adonis? Did you wakeup in a cabbage patch? Somehow they were cursed with an ordinary son...who likes comic books, loves to draw, and to watch horror movies. Oh, he also happens to be nerdish and awkward. Do you have a hump-back, extra eyes, antlers, or a tail? There has to be something other than baldness, extra-weight, and shortness. You can't even blame ugliness; because I know some pretty homely-dudes (great guys btw!) with women who love them to death!
I wonder what it is about you versus other guys with all those everyday-traits, that doesn't seem to stop them from getting women who love them? Well, you can't buy sex for the rest of your life.
What's next is up to you. We can't tell you how to live.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 February 2021):
 Just because you "dipped your wick" doesn't mean ANYTHING has changed about you or your life.
So it's not surprising that women aren't lined up at your door to date you now that you are no longer a virgin.
It was NEVER about sex or being a virgin.
You describe yourself as " I am not very handsome, overweight, short, bald and not well endowed."
Ok, what can you change? You can change your weight. You can change how you dress and groom yourself.
Being short is not ALWAYS a minus.
Being bald is not ALWAYS a minus either. Plenty of bald men who rock that look.
Being well endowed doesn't ensure you a partner either. Women often want more than just a big dick. And if having and average or smaller than average size means men don't get partners... then there would be a LOT more single women out there!
So work on what you CAN improve upon. Your weight and how you carry yourself.
There are overweight, nerdy, creative girls out there too. Who ALSO want a partner. Who have a lot to offer.
You are creative. You have a talent. Don't give up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2021): I think that there is always someone for everyone.
You have pointed out all the things about you that you perceive as negative. We haven't heard one GOOD thing about you. What do you LIKE about yourself? Surely you do have some assets! I can see right away that you focus on your negatives, and not any positives. That is setting yourself up for failure right out of the gate.
Let me tell you a few secrets about women. We do not always fall for the most attractive man in the room. We fall for a man who is kind, caring and confident. A man who likes himself, has a good sense of self, and is comfortable in his own skin. If you are not confident, you will shy away from women and we will get that vibe from you. So, it starts with self love and working on yourself before you are in a position to offer any woman a relationship. You have a self defeating attitude from the get go, OP. With that attitude, you will remain lonely. So, it all starts with liking and loving yourself. That means you have work to do on YOU before testing the dating waters.
Physically, you cannot change baldness. But there are plenty of bald men who are super hot. My boyfriend is bald and I do not mind one bit. He has a goatee and it looks great with the baldness. Maybe some facial hair to offset it? Something to consider. But baldness in itself is not a negative.
Second, short? Again, one's height has nothing to do with the whole package, OP. There are plenty of women who are shorter than you are. They may think you are TALL. The one who is right for you will not mind your height. She will be busy noticing your other qualities. You are the one who minds your height. You are making this a negative. Again, negative self talk.
Not well endowed? Hmmmm. Says who? Did you enjoy yourself with the escort? It seems so as you said you had a big weight lifted. So, obviously you did the job. Right? You will do the job again eventually, with another woman. One you will not have to pay. It is the way you use your instrument, not the size of it. And it is so much more than just penetration. Sex climbs and morphs into multiple levels and it transcends just the act of penetration. You have yet to experience that. So, just looking at your size is narrow minded and very limiting. A guy with the biggest penis ever might not know how to make love or kiss a woman or have any passion whatsoever. Nobody wants a humungous jack hammer pounding them non stop! Lol Always other sides to the story. I can understand wanting to get the awkwardness over with. But whether you go to one or fifty escorts, it is not going to change your perception of yourself. They are paid to do a job by you. The experience is very limiting. Your sexual prowess is not based solely on penetration. Besides escorts are not giving you honest feedback. You are paying them, so they will make you feel good, no matter what. Not to try to reduce your confidence, but it would be so much better with a "real" woman validating you. That way you know it is genuine. There is so much more you will experience with a woman when it comes to intimacy, and having real feelings and passion for each other. So, there is much to look forward to. Your experience was not what sex should really be like. It was simply glorified masturbation with a blow up doll. You do have so much to look forward to, OP with a committed sexual relationship. What you need to do is stop focusing on SEX and focus more on yourself and then focus on a relationship. Focus on becoming friends with women FIRST. And stop placing road blocks in front of you before you ever get to first base. It seems to me like you are self sabotaging. Go to places where you can meet women. The gym, take classes or courses of things you are interested in. Join a public speaking group. Go to dance classes. That is the best way to develop confidence. May I suggest Zumba? Your goal should not be to find someone but to find yourself. Enjoy new interests and the rest will follow, and there will be less pressure. Unfortunately we are in the midst of a pandemic but once life returns to some version of normalcy, you will be able to do much more. Go outside your comfort zone. Start expanding your horizons. I know it is scary but step outside the box. It can be a lot to handle but it will open up a whole new world for you. You need to be positive and friendly. Comfortable in your own skin. That is your goal. Try smiling at people. Try saying hello. Initiate conversation in some way. Open yourself up to chats with people in stores, standing in line etc. It will give you more confidence. Baby steps, OP. Look at it as little stepping stones to your ultimate goal. You are building confidence. It will not happen overnight but it will.
I personally have seen some very unattractive people with a great deal of confidence. That is because they have told themselves they are worthy and have lots to offer. It is the dialogue you have with yourself. Also, one of the key ingredients to confidence is focusing on your positives and not negatives. Work on what is good about you and feel good about that. Place much less emphasis on what you do not like (we ALL have things about us we don't like) but minimize what you don't like and maximize what you do like. Even if it is just one thing. Focus on that one thing you like and let that give you confidence. Eventually you will move onto a new thing and that will also give you confidence and so on. In addition, you have to NOT CARE what others think of you to a great extent. That does not mean be a jerk to people. It means you should be open to taking chances and risk rejection and understanding you will land back on your feet. It is okay. If people want to judge you or think badly of you for any reason, remember that is THEIR problem. Not yours. Their opinion of you should never reflect on your own self worth. Once you grow a healthy self image, you won't care what others think. People are always going to put down, critique, bully and judge others. Even the most perfect of people will be picked on. Nothing one does will ever be good enough for everybody. It is always a direct reflection on those who put others down rather than a reflection of those they pick on. So, you should stop caring. For ex, I am in good shape. I lost so much weight over the years but my thighs will never be skinny and I have cellulite on them. I have accepted this because no matter how much I work out, the cellulite will never go away. It sure does suck but nothing I can do about it. It is just the way my body is built. Does that mean I hate myself for it? Lock myself away in my house, thinking I am worthless? Does that mean I am ugly? Have no other good qualities, physically or otherwise? No. It means I accept my limitations and work on what I can make better. I used to be overweight too. It was a journey and once I lost the weight over time, I found myself. Fitness personally transformed me as a person and changed my life. I think you should hire a personal trainer and start getting into the best shape of your life. That is an excellent start. You won't believe how all your perceived flaws will start to melt away once you start to see results and begin feeling good about yourself. You will start to build confidence and feel happier. And this will reflect in your entire being. Others will pick up on it. Happy people attract others. It is really simple yet happiness is so elusive for many. It is, if you sit there and wallow in negativity and putting yourself down. That is easy to do. But it is much harder to make those changes. But you can. Because it is time for you to SHINE. Life is short.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (20 February 2021):
 You are over weight and lack confidence. Those are the things you can change. Changing them may not bring you an attractive girlfriend, but it will make you feel better about yourself.
All I'm suggesting is that you add a gym hobby to your list of things you like to do.
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