A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently posted about a situation where 5 years ago i got drunk and naked and everyone took photos of me and passed it round my home town and they still haunt me today-everyone that i meet gets shown them and while i didn't want it to (i really wanted to just see the funny side) it bothered me every day and caused stupid anxiety in me so often. Tonight i went to my 'friend' that i have asked nicely to stop showing them and practically begged him to delete them and i told him how much it genuinely bothered me. He said he had loads of phones and computers with copies of them on and he said he would delete them - i don't think he will but anyway. I then spoke to my other friend later to ask if he had a copy and if he could delete it and he said how stupid and paranoid i was and that i was over reacting and shouldn't dwell on it. He said that i've probably made things worse now because they now know just how much it bothers me and i would have been better off laughing it off. Do you think this is true? was it silly of me asking someone to stop shoving a stupid mistake i made all that time ago in my face. Especially now that i have met this girl that i care about a lot and am scarred she will run a mile if she saw the photo and what i used to be like (i used to drink far too much-it just was the place i was at at the time) I'm fed up of being the joke guy as it's not who i actually am. I can't help it but i am a very paranoid person that dwells on everything to the point of feeling very depressed and i've been kidding myself that i could handle it without saying anything all this time. I have a lot going on in my life and want to just be the guy in the corner and not the centre piece. It was the right thing to do wasn't it?Have i made things worse?thanks for your time!
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female
reader, VictoriaK  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 Technically, If you are completely naked in this picture, then They are breaking the law by distributing these pictures of you without a proper release with a legible signature from you. If I was in that situation, I would honestly Tell them to delete all pictures, or face the cops. If you were a minor in the picture that also qualifies it as being "Kiddie Porn" yet again, breaking another law. You may not want to risk losing your so called "friends" BUT you need to be the one in charge of this situation. If it continues to get out of hand I strongly suggest going to the authorities and force these people to get rid of the pictures. Tell them that They can do some serious jail time if they will not heed your warning. This is my advice, take it for what you will. But keep in mind, that if this new woman in your life likes you, then she wont care about this. We are human after all. Take Care and Good Luck!
A
female
reader, babomi  +, writes (15 October 2008):
 anonymous
we ALL have a moment of our life where we ve made fools of ourselves, ALL of us, and the memory of it is still itching
don t see urself alone in there, mistakes like this are part of everyone s past, especially when a teenager
put this story at its place : a ridiculous accident years ago
if u keep putting it at the center of ur life and ur thoughts, it ll stay there, it will endlessly eat you and u ll never move on
in the last resort, u re the one to decide how much importance u give to this young boy of many years ago stupid drunk moment
if i were u, i wouldn t too much
also, realize that other people don t give a damn, 99,9% of their time, even the "friends" who show them around, of it
it s like walking with a pimple on your face, u got the feeling it s HUUUGE and that everybody sees it and thinks of it, and comments and disses ...
truth is : if people do notice, they just register it in a glimpse of a second like they do for the color of your sweater and that s it, they don t care, it s not as interesting or relevant to them as their own life
time to beef it up and to reduce this story to what it is, in ur mind, in ur self esteem and in ur life
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A
male
reader, prof_orr +, writes (15 October 2008):
 "I just want to be happy and have an easy carefree mind and life."
Well don't wo all ??
An easy carefree life would be no challenge at all. I don't even know anybody that lives like that.
Problems build character and how you manage your problems determines the quality of your life.
I have a neighbor that lost both legs in a traffic accident. Your problems are not even serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took on board everyone's advice and thought i felt better about it. But then within a day i felt terrible again. it is on my mind all the time and i just want to cry. I went away with the family for a couple of days and i didn't want to talk or socialise and i don't know how i can cope. Surely i must be depressed- would a situation like this practically destroy a normal persons life or does it imply i have a deeper problem? would help completely rid me of this feeling of depression and shame? I can't take it any more!I keep telling myself how riddiculous it is to care so much but i just can't stop. I really need help. what can i do? i just want to be happy and have an easy carefree mind and life. Will i ever get over this?
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A
female
reader, eurolove +, writes (13 October 2008):
 the only reason why ur friends even bring it up i think is because they see that you put a feeling whenever they mention it . The best thing to do in my opinion is just admit to it and maybe happily say hell yeah i did it !! And what??? We as people have so much more to see, i know that it hurts and i can understand that. But if you want to let go of the pain first accept yourself . Accept yourself on how you used to be because we cannot change the past , as long as we are not that any longer it is just humorous and a funny little insect that you will step on. But dont let it fly away on you now . Keep your head up
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A
male
reader, prof_orr +, writes (12 October 2008):
You can only "get over it" by seperating yourself from those so called "friends".
About 100 miles should do it.
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A
female
reader, babomi +, writes (12 October 2008):
first, these guys are not your friends, don t call them that, from now on and forever, keep them at distance but don t let them know
it must be kind of a group thing i assume, with initiators, who never miss a chance to show the pictures and the followers, the ones who always laugh at it
actually the initiators do it to keep control on the followers and be the center of the attention, try to split this association and u re good
if it has lasted for the last 5 years, the joke must be a bit old and stale by now, this is your angle
make realize to the followers that they ve been laughing at the same stupid pictures for 5 years like and that actually is a bit dumb in itself ...
but u got to play it carefully, no showing of anger or tension, no aggressivity, use a bit of a joke but don t be too sharp, u need to flip them over, not to antagonize them
whatever u do, u need to change the mind of the crowd, not the mind of the initiators
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Anon, we all do things as teenagers, which I assume you were at the time, that we regret as we mature. Your "friends" should delete the pics as you asked them to. If they do not, then they are not your friends. Forget them. Tell your girl that you were not always very wise as a teenager. (none of us were). Tell her that you are not the same person, now. You don't have to mention what it was. She probably will not know unless you tell her. And even if you do, or she finds out, it should not be a big deal at "this point in time". And stop worrying. You are a young adult, now. You are not bound by any anything you did as a teenager. If this girl should "freak out" about a silly teenage thing, she is not the one for you, anyway. Best wishes, Tom
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Anon, we all do things as teenagers, which I assume you were at the time, that we regret as we mature. Your "friends" should delete the pics as you asked them to. If they do not, then they are not your friends. Forget them. Tell your girl that you were not always very wise as a teenager. (none of us were). Tell her that you are not the same person, now. You don't have to mention what it was. She probably will not know unless you tell her. And even if you do, or she finds out, it should not be a big deal at "this point in time". And stop worrying. You are a young adult, now. You are not bound by any anything you did as a teenager. If this girl should "freak out" about a silly teenage thing, she is not the one for you, anyway. Best wishes, Tom
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): you have absolutely every right to be worried about this.you didnt give anybody permission to show these pictures all around town.it can ruin certain life situations if the wrong people come across them,especially if its a small town.for example,if your looking for a new job and somebody knows somebody who knows you and the pictures get back to them,there goes your chances of being hired.same goes for any current job that you might have.it would look bad on your part.it could come back to haunt you in a relationship as well.your friends need to understand that what they are doing is wrong in so many ways...they need to stop.if they are real friends they will listen to you.if it does come up in any situation where you need to explain yourself,just say that it was in the past and you know it was a mistake.and also that you had no part in distributing the pictures.good luck,i hope they will stop and that it doesnt become a problem in your current relationship.
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