A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My problem is this. My boyfriend lives in England whereas I live in Ireland. I met him when I was there on holiday and he's the first boy I've ever loved. I love him deeply and we have plans to see each other soon. The only thing is. I always thought I was gay up until this point. I still fancy girls, much more than any guys. I fantasise all the time about girls and can't stop flirting with them. I do love my boyfriend. I dont want to hurt him. I know my family would never accept me being with another girl, and maybe I wouldn't either. Im in turmoil.My boyfriend deserves so much more than me.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 If you're in turmoil, maybe it would be a good idea to stay out of a relationship. If you're serious about not hurting anyone, just let him go for now. If the timing is right, and you figure out what you want, what works for you, and he is part of that picture, then you can try to rekindle things.
It's generally a bad idea to be in a relationship just to make your family happy. It's not your family who is committing to be with the guy.
Just be honest, tell him you don't know who or what you want right now, and let him go be free to either wait for you to figure it out, or meet someone else who isn't confused about things.
If you have to pretend to be something you are not to stay in the relationship, well, you're in the wrong place.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Whatever you choose to do with your life is your decision. Your family not accepting you for being gay is also their decision. There's a big chance that someone else in the family is also gay. Your family can deny that they passed down that gene to you but your boyfriend or whoever's next deserves to know you are gay. You also deserve a happy life without restrictions that only you put on yourself. You can be emotionally attracted to boys but if you live a life for your parents you and him are going to resent it.
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A
female
reader, Zuie +, writes (24 November 2010):
First off, what's wrong with being bi? If you're physically attracted to your boyfriend then you're not doing anything wrong by being with him while also finding girls attractive. The flirting would be the only issue there. Possibly also the fantasizing, depending on what your boyfriend thinks about it.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being attracted to girls more than guys. Girls are way sexier! I'm straight but I've always fantasized about girls, and my boyfriends were always aware of that. Some guys will even find you fantasizing about being with a girl very sexy.
If, however, you're not physically attracted to your boyfriend, and need to fantasize about girls while with him to enjoy being physical with him, then you should leave the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): hey im actually in the same boat, just ask yourself, ami living a lie? and if so, maybe its time to get out
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