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Fighting, trust issues -- I don't know what to do

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 April 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been having a ton of problems lately this will be somewhat long and I apologize. To start with in February we had been fighting A LOT! It was every day we was fighting about something and then he started talking to another girl in February and all of march they had talked about dating. I confronted him about all of it he said he figured we was going to break up because things with us was getting so hard nothing was changing and things was getting worse. We cleared that up. Any way this month we have been fighting also. But its different. He hasn’t been talking to other girls as far as I know. But here lately he just hasn’t made since when we get along he’s happy and all lovey and stuff. And then when we start fighting he says he don’t feel the same for me and doesn’t want to be with me and that he hasn’t want to be with me for awhile. I tell him to pack his stuff and move out (we live together) and he acts like he’s packing his stuff he’ll pack some of his clothes and then change the subject. If he doesn’t want to be with me then why hasn’t he just left yet? He says that he can’t because I’ll cry and beg him not to leave. Idk in my opinion if I don’t want to be with someone I’ll leave regardless. Anyway, I’ve been having some terrible trust issues with him. Every guy I date I have trust issues with regardless if they have done anything to break the trust. Tonight he told me that he had started talking to one of his old friends which is a girl. He claimed that they wasn’t talking flirty or about dating or anything. Which of course on his face book page he has that he’s married to me on there.( we aren’t married) and if he was talking flirty with her then im sure she would message me on face book and tell me just like the other girl he was talking to did. When im in a relationship I don’t believe in talking to other people he don’t talk to other girls and I wont talk to other guys. He’s just been a real jerk lately. Like one day we’ll talk about our problems and fix them and come to an agreement where we both understand and then the next day he acts like he don’t even care about anything. And he doesn’t wanna talk. He says its because he has so much going on. His friend is getting married on Saturday and he’s having to rehearse stuff for the wedding, plus he’s wanting to get into college, and we’re behind on bills etc. but idk why all that would cause him to be a jerk to me. I’m not sure if I should end this relationship or continue it. I’m so confused by his behavior. What should I do?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (19 April 2014):

Ciar agony auntYes, you should end it.

You aren't getting along, he doesn't feel the same way about you and you know he's the kind of guy who will leave after he's got something more solid lined up with someone else. Why stick around waiting for that to happen?

The relationship has run it's course. Kick him out and be done with it.

Your trust issues are not a lack of trust in men, but a lack of trust in yourself where men are concerned. You need to know that you can trust YOU to make the right choices instead of always relying on men to make them for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014):

You are both very immature people. You fight too much and you play games with each other. Threatening to breakup, or he'll mess around with another girl to piss you off. You call each others bluff; then you hit the refresh button, and start it all over again.

Get the bills paid up, wait until your lease runs out. Then go your separate ways. You're unofficially broke-up; just waiting to see who moves out first. You never fixed your problems, you just agreed to stop fighting about them and called a truce.

You have trust-issues, and expect a guy to be faithful. When in your head you don't trust him anyway. He may as well be unfaithful.

This cycle will not be broken until you both finally just get fed up with each other; or he finds another girl and dumps you. That's what he'll do; if you don't breakup and stick to it.

Pay your bills or you'll ruin your credit, or end up on the street.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2014):

Are neither of you capable of talking to people of the opposite sex without it being flirty? I really don't see why you shouldn't talk to people of the opposite sex, as long as neither of you are flirting or hiding it from your partner.

Anyway, I think you need couples counselling so you can both air out your problems (there are bound to be ones he hasn't told you) and you can work on your trust issues or decide to break up.

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