A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I recently got back together with an ex-girlfriend. This has only been going for about a month though. We have been dating on and off for the past year and a half. In that time, she got back with her another ex-boyfriend for a very short period of time, but it kept us apart for an extended period of time.The past month with her has been great. Everything between us has been much better than it was when we previously dated. I just got back from spending a week with her at her families place and her family loves me. This is my second long stay at there place with her.I had to leave though to come home for the holidays. When I left I asked if she wanted to stay together and take a two week vacation after Thanksgiving. After some thought, she said no, she is not ready for a committed relationship because of confusion of what she wants to do with her life. I think the other ex-boyfriend still plays a role in this equation even though she rarely talks to him and he lives over a thousand miles away. (She has mentioned this) She says despite not wanting to take an extended trip together, she does want to see me again. I leave to work far away a month from now and would love to see her. I love every moment with her and we are best friends to begin with, I absolutely do not want to lose her, but fear this may happen for good.My questions are and I would appreciate female advice.1. Any clue as to what she wants? Saying she doesn't want a committed relationship right now but does want to see me confuses me some.2. How should I approach asking her how, when and why she wants to see me. I do not want to be pushy.3. Any advice on how to win her over?4. I am about to move 1,000 miles away from her for work, but only for a few months, it would be hard to get back together and start off long distance, so I am wondering if it is worth seeing her again, could mean more hurt for me, or should I see her because it could result in us trying to make it work.Thank you to all responses in advance and I can answer any questions if asked. There is more to this, but this is the general gist of it.
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (25 November 2008):
 Hi there, Good advice from taina. I would just add that a relationship needs time and space to develop. You are going to be gone for a while, long distance is complicated. She did tell you that she wanted to see you again, but did not want a committed relationship. Take her at her word. I would not start to try to get closer to her, when you are not going to be around. Let it go for now, go on your work assignment. Call her once or twice, just to say hi, and nothing else about having a relationship with her. When you get back, call and see what the state of affairs is, if she is available, then ask her out, if she is not, then move on. She is confused or maybe not, she is probably still involved with the other guy. There will be pushing and pulling back and forth between the two of you, with no resolve, if as she says she is not ready for a relationship. There are other women, that you will find yourself attracted to. The other point would be, that maybe while you are gone, she will realize that she does like you, more than she thought. Let it play out, the right course will show itself in time. Settle yourself and let time take it's course. If you two are meant to be together, it will happen without forcing the issue. Take care, stay in touch.
A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (25 November 2008):
well she may be being honest as far as her confusion goes... she may just be using you because you are there for her... she may not want to hurt you due to her confusion and therefor doesn't want to get too serious... or too she may not wanglt sonething serious because she wants to date other guys... you can just get to the bottom of this & not play into any childish games... gently but bluntly ask her what exactly she wants from you... I'm pretty sure she can tell you one thing but if you see her actions contradict her words then you will know the real truth... if you cannot handle this move on... it is my experience that when a person isn't making you happy 100 percent it isn't worth sticking around it will only hurt you worst in the long run... as far as winning her over the best way is to give her her space & time to decide what she wants... be there for her when she needs a shoulder to lean on.. & always let her know you are there for her & how much she means to you without sounding to neeedy ofcourse...also you can try some reverse psychology & tell her you'd rather be friends & that you need space & you don't know if its worth caring about someone who doesbt know what they want... if she acts like she doesn't care then you are replacable &there is your answer...
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