A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I recently started going to college, after breaking up with my ex-girlfriend due to her cheating on me. At the time, I was really hopeful that I'd be able to find another girlfriend at college. But I can't really find anyone. Almost every girl here is more interested in partying and hooking up than a serious relationship (especially freshmen). The situation seems really hopeless; I don't think I'll ever be able to find anyone at this rate.I'm the kind of person who thinks my life isn't really worthwhile without a partner. I think it's getting to the point where I have major depression. I feel really lonely and I don't feel like doing anything anymore. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 November 2011):
 I have a degree in Psych...
not sure about there but here only medical doctors can prescribe anti-depressants. (and is insulin over prescribed? are glasses over prescribed?) so that a counselor is usually only able to do talk therapy....
glad you feel more encouraged.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to see a counselor because I'm not a big fan of antidepressants (I'm a psychology major, and I think they're used too often) and I don't think it's the solution to my problem.
I already know the solution to my problem.
Thank you so much everyone! I kinda feel more encouraged now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 November 2011):
if you feel depressed then see the doctor for some anti-depressants.
depressio is a chemical imbalance in your brain.. if you needed insulin for your diabetes you would take that or wear glasses to correct your eye sight.. it's the same thing...just fixing the stuff that God forgot...
as for the whole Noah's ARK syndrome (everyone and everything needs to be in pairs)... you can't find a partner till you are happy and love yourself... you have to learn to be alone first then the right person will come along.
I know that sounds like a load of BS... cause it sure did when i got told this when I was your age... but I have found that the best time to meet folks for me is when I'm not looking and don't care...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): There's a lot here to address...First, depression is a really tricky ailment, and you need to address it now! It's GREAT that you've been able to identify it, as you'd be really surprised how often people can't tell that's what's wrong. There is NO REASON that you have to suffer from this, and it can get worse. I'd recommend going to a counselor, and if need be getting some meds to address this. Depression can be situational or chemical. There are low level drugs that can correct chemical imbalances in the brain if that's what's going on.Second, you need to address this "need" to be in a relationship, as what you're describing can be a situation that can indicate a tendency for co-dependency. This is not a healthy situation for a successful long term relationship and can seriously hurt your ability to have a relationship that can make it long term. This is NOT to say you have to live single for a long time (as a cure), it's just that you have to learn how not to define your happiness by being in a relationship- it's great to be in a healthy one, but not to be in one for the sake of being in one... this can lead to a serious mess, like marrying (and then divorcing) a college GF. (been there!)Finally, your false belief that girls are only interested in partying and hooking up is not realistic. It may feel that way, but it's NOT the case. You need to start looking in different locations to find a different class of women. If you only go to bars, you're only going to find girls who like to hang out in bars. Get involved with something where you might be able to network with girls who aren't party animals. Volunteer! Animal Shelter, a community garden, a vet's office, a non-profit, a hospital... there are TONS of places to do this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): Go and see a counselor or someone that you can talk to. Take care of yourself. By the way, I want to let you know that you are worthwhile wether or not you have a partner. Work on building your self esteem and getting your depression under control, maybe when you have done that you will find someone. I suffer from depression and it got really bad, but once I worked through it, I met the most wonderful man whom I love with all my heart, once you take care of yourself and feel better within yourself, people can see that and are attracted to that. Also I know many girls, that are not interested in being in a relationship with someone because it is obvious that they just want to be in a relationship, they would rather feel that the person actually wanted to be in a relationship with them instead. Good Luck
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