A
female
age
36-40,
*ixieGwen
writes:Am i being mean?My bf and i broke up because he never had time for me... well he used to but then he lost his job and started school and got depressed..so he never wanted to hang out..and once we would hang out hed be super happy..but gettin to that point was like pulling teeth. We had been together 6 mo before his slump and we would see each other alot, have fun and have sex..and then the job loss/sold his car/school started and he became depressed and we hardly had sex or saw each other but hed still call daily to say i love u, i miss u etc.. us not seein each other needed to change, it didnt change much so i told him we need to take a break, we did but he still continued to call daily and we still hung out ocassionally.. like nothing changed.. and then recently he got his job back and seemed like a diff person - super happy. Except now, he can barely manage - ft school + ft job = endlessly exhausted and he started a wk ago. We had plans twice this last wk and he canceled one and forgot about the other. We were supposed to get lunch and he claims he fell asleep in the breakroom at work and said he was super sorry.He canceled plans alot w/ me when he was depressed..and now its because hes endlessly exhausted.I love him but i dunno what to do ..so i told him "when you can make time for me and follow through, you lemme know" he apologized again for missing our plans today (he had made plans for us to go to lunch and this plan was a makeup for the other plan he had canceled earlier in the wk)i know he doesnt want me dating other guys and wants me to only date him/be intimate with him..but at the same time, he can barely hold it together..and i really dont fit it.should i be patient..and talk to him (although i feel we've talked enough in the past)or should i just leave it at where it is..and when he calls to hang and if im avail - then hang out.. i dunno.. im not tryin to be mean to him.. i just get frustrated to be canceled on ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): You're not being mean. You're simply recognizing and respecting your own needs and limits.
Naturally your ex-boyfriend wants you all to himself, but it is unrealistic of him to expect you to remain on stand by while he's pursuing his life goals and barely has time or energy for you. So you were right in ending the relationship.
However, do not continue to act 'as if nothing had changed'. Things have changed. You're no longer a couple and you should not be doling out all the perks of a relationship if you're not in one. Friends only, no sex and you're free to date other people. He doesn't have to like it. He just has to accept it.
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