A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:So about 2 months ago I came here and asked a question regarding about going to therapy about a girl I was romantically involved with leaving me. I come back ask the situation with her has changed entirely that I've had what can only describe as an emotional break down.To try and sum up the original problem me and this Karra (I'll use that name for now) started dating and a week after it started we didn't talk in person after. I got worried that she was avoiding i asked her and she got mad. After an incident where a friend got us in a discord call together and she left immediately i decided to cut her off and we had a few fights after. It concluded with her and me not talking anymore as of August 4. Because of this ive been very depressed enough to get a therapist and start working on myself and my abandonment issues and self esteem issues.As of the 23rd of November, which my birthday, Karra messages Happy birthday unpromptly. It was completely out of left field for me and I wasn't sure what to do. I kept the conversation going and I ended the conversation saying I needed to focus on work.I have no idea why she messaged me at all. Unprompted, no hint of it nothing. Her last message to me before this was "There is no way in hell I'm allowing you back into mine and their (our old friend group) lives."So I assumed it was the end of everything and I never spoke to her again in anyway.Between then and now I got Therapy and started working on myself even my therapist thought it was the end of this.(I haven't told them anything yet cause I don't see them till Wednesday which today is a Saturday as of writing this) and I've been working through the feelings i have left for her. But now she comes back unknowing me and its thrown me for a loopI cant help but feel such confliction in my heart. I know it was over between us but now i cant tell if this just a stray bit of kindness or some kind of attempt to reconnect. Is this a moment to try and rekindle what we had? Did she find some one else and trying to rub it in my face. I don't know but it hurts my heart and began crying after everything I'm not sure what to feel. Any advice is good please help me
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 November 2023):
 "Now my question back to everyone: should I ever consider going back to her?"
Probably not.
Even if what you had was VERY short-lived there is baggage here. Baggage you do not need.
Because YOU will remember and perhaps your "old self" around her and she will remember your old self too, which means old negative emotions are tied to this girl.
When you are ready to start dating, START fresh with someone else.
That would be my advice. It's rarely ever a good idea to get back with an ex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2023): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo everyone who responded thank you Im making this post to give everyone an update on what happened after my therapist appointment and give a bit more context to things, and ask at least 1 more question.To clarify the dating for one week;Technically yes were only dating 1 entire week in my mind. I asked her if she wanted to make it official and then the week after we started having problems. I currently have a severe abandonment issues which I can only assume came from years of dating girls that have a relationship with me with span with me at most of 3 months. Im not really good at long term relationships at this point.What happened was I thought she was leaving me, I confronted her about it (she wasnt happy at all), after 3 days of silence after the initial confrontation (started on a monday ended on a thursday) were to meet for a dnd group a mutual (mostly my friends) decided to get us in a Discord call together to try and talk. After my friend secretly left to try and get us alone she left immediately after. When dnd came up later that day, I walked off as I wasnt going to be somewhere I didnt feel like I belonged. We had a fight 2 weeks after that dont remember but it was about something about using a friend and it involving discord. After another 2 weeks I asked if we could talk again and that was when the famous "I dont want you in my life" line came from in August.The topic of if the Happy Birthday message was automated;To my knowledge, No. This did not happen over text it happened over discord. Weird I know but unless discord now had DM bots that sent birthday messages from some ones personal account (which I dont think she even knows how to do) no this was entirely out of her pure actionsIn regards to what my therapist has helped me come to understand:He helped to realize that I am absolutely not ready for a relationship yet (Absolute shocker to everyone here I know, I was surprised myself). I need to work on many things about myself. Abandonment issues, self-esteem, my emotions, etc. I cant handle anyone else right now. So I will not be going back to her as of right now. I will not be blocking her though but I wont be responding to anymore messages even though my last message was "Thanks for the Talk, seeya some other time" (she didnt respond to that) this leads to my personal questionNow my question back to everyone: should I ever consider going back to her? While we ended on a sour note, I never disliked her after. Do I still have feelings for her? Probably somewhere deep down in my soul but no where near the surface right now. She was an amazing girl if you had me list all the things that I think would make a great gf she probably has done it (I think sounds like I ogling her again but i really am trying not too im just trying to say she aligned to what i liked alot) but we ended our relationship on what i believe was miscommunication that ended poorly. She also maybe going through her own problems but right now shes gotta work on herself and i do myself. But if the ever the option arised should i consider trying again with her? I ask this out of curiosity not consideration.Hope this helps everyone and gives a better idea to my situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2023): What did she say in her initial birthday message? If it was a pretty generic birthday message it might have been a mistake because she didn't delete your number. Some people have an app on their phone that automatically sends a birthday greeting to everyone on their contact list. (At least everyone whose birthdays have been entered). The ensuing conversation after this would have been out of politeness. Once you had responded to her message (presumably thanking her) it would have seemed very rude to say "Actually I didn't mean to wish you happy birthday at all. I take it all back." (It was your birthday after all)I agree with the other posters. Don't read too much into this and don't let her live rent free in your head. Block her number so she can't contact you again, whether purposefully or accidentally.RegardsRuby Birtle/Rita Brown
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (29 November 2023):
 I think that there are just to many complications with her, you tried with her but it never worked so time to move on.
I don't know why she text happy birthday, but I would accept that its never going to work with her and move on. You have been doing well working on yourself, so don't let her ruin all your hard work.
Time is the healer of all things, keep doing what your doing, block her and move on with the next chapter of your life.
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A
male
reader, Keen Fox +, writes (29 November 2023):
Do I understand correctly that you guys only dated (in person) for one week? Sounds like it went pretty poorly. I don’t understand why you would want to get back together with someone like that. I think you should explore those feelings with your therapist and figure out if that’s REALLY what you want or if you’re just clinging to her in an unhealthy way because of some issues within yourself that you need to work on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (29 November 2023):
Maybe she was just testing the waters OP.
Or it just wasn't that deep.
I think if you feel she wasn't GOOD for you to be around, you ought to block her and ignore her from now on.
Keep working on yourself and let go of this ex. Don't let he live rent-free in your heard or you will have a hard time moving on.
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