A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year, we've lived together 9 of those months. We have been friends for 10 years, so we know each other very well.3 months ago, he broke up with me, and because he pays all the bills, asked me to move out. I went home to my family for a short while, before deciding to fight for my man, realising he needed an ego stroke and was feeling neglected emotionally by me. We talked, we both got emotional, and things have been great since then.Obviously we've had arguements, but they've always been constructive.Last night, we went out with family and friends. Had a great night, got quite drunk, and ended up having an arguement. I admitted I was wrong, he made a comment about my job which I took the wrong way, and I wouldn't let it lie. It ended up with him, again, walking out, with the assumption I would again have to move out.This is my boyfriend's way, when the going gets tough, when things get too much, he walks away.We have an amazing relationship, we get along so well, sex is great, etc etc.But when its bad, I just can't trust him not to walk away and kick me out. I feel insecure in the way that he holds the power over my home.We talked this morning when he came back from his parent's house, where he'd gone last night. he said he still felt the same, that I have crushed the love he had for me. But it also came out that he is feeling insecure about my first serious boyfriend, who I unfortunately still have contact with because I work at his family's company. There are no feelings from either side, it ended 5-6 years ago, but my boyfriend is convinced his family are trying to get us back together. Which is very far from the truth, my ex is settled with a girl who is having his baby.He also has a problem with my job in the fact that it is in a club, and he has seen guys make moves on me - totally deflected by myself though, I am fiercelt faithful to my boyfriend, and haven't even so much as looked at another guy in that way.I think this is the real reason for the arguement last night, I felt provoked by my boyfriend and stupidly took the bait. He's now blaming it on me.I love him, and he loves me. Like I've said, when it's good, its great, and the bad times come along once in a blue moon. But the bad times are horrible, he's hot headed, and stubborn.What do I do? He's now out of the country for 10 days working, so we both have time to think. But I know he will be stewing, thinking in his head about me at work, my ex around, guys coming onto me, and it will wind him up.Do I let him come to me? Do I go to him? I don't want to grovel but I want to fix this and whatever his insecurities are. I don't want to play games, or issue ultimatums or anything.
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female
reader, ladyrachel02  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 your situation is very complex...first of all, you guys need to have a conversation where you lay it all out. I'm sure you had those but bring up the issues about your work, your ex and about him kicking you out. Explain that you cannot be in a relationship where one person is going to walk out everytime something goes wrong. period. This is not an ultimatum. It's a standard. It's something you have to do for yourself so you can have emotional serenity. In the end, you are left with all the work and up to you to fix it. This is unfair for you and he needs to acknowledge that this does not help your relationship in any way. Next, I think its ridiculous that he feels jealous of your ex. He is starting a new family and there are no feelings left! While it may be sweet that he feels protective over you, he needs to realize that kind of behavior can drive you away in the long run. Let him know that he is the only one for you and that his insecurities are not nurturing your relationship. Also, do you feel really happy with your job? Im not indicating that you should leave it, but that can be an option as a last measure. He should be able to trust you enough that you would not get involved with anyone else, but at the same time, if you were a guy, would you be comfortable knowing your girl is working at a club, where guys hit on her constantly? Im thinking his insecurities may stem from this, but I am not sure, since I am not in your relationship. Im sure this is an issue you guys can compromise in, as long as he does not kick you out anymore. His behavior shows that he may be willing to throw it all away without even realizing. You need to make it clear to him that he can't always shut down when things go bad (he needs to grow up) and he should not even mention in any way that you crushed his love for you! If things are so great most of the time, then why is he even saying that? Every relationship has problems! I say give him time to think it all over, while you do the same. Tell him you are willing to talk and have that conversation (above) when he is ready. So let him come to you first. But do not be confrontational. Both of you need to be open to fixing what's wrong.
A
male
reader, Bernster +, writes (7 January 2008):
If you love him, fight for your man.
I'm in the same type of relationship. Everytime things get tough she kicks me out. But we things are good, we're in heaven.
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A
female
reader, baby duck + ♥, writes (7 January 2008):
 Amazing relationship ... you get along so well ... except for when you don't, and he kicks you out.
Hmmm ... so a couple of years from now, when you have a toddler on your hip and a bun in the oven, and he doesn't like your spaghetti sauce and throws you out in the street ... will it be an amazing relationship? I don't think so.
He has some serious anger management issues. He needs counseling. Your working with your ex and his family, in a club environment, would be tough on a mild-mannered guy ... forget Mr Hot Head.
You admit that you added fuel to the fire, so you're not exactly Miss Deflate the Tension, either ...
The two of you sound like an explosion waiting to happen. Could it work? I suppose anything is possible. I think the two of you like intensity and would consider a calm person 'boring', but you have to accept the fact that (unless you both get professional guidance), together, you guys are going to be a volatile couple.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, alymarshall +, writes (7 January 2008):
 i think you need to sit down and talk to him no alcohol and just you and him let him know how he is making you feel and then ask him why he feels that this is the only way he can prove his point show him that you will listen to him when he wants to talk and let him know that your not going anywhere and you will be there when he needs you
hope this advise helps good luck x
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A
female
reader, Crisy +, writes (7 January 2008):
 I Definatley think you should let him come to you, then you will find out how much he really wants you. Good luck.
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