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male
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anonymous
writes: SO I have been dating my financee for almost 5 years. In the first year it was pretty hot and heavy. But after the first year its been all down hill from there for her. I still want to have sex she wont even make out with me anymore. I dont want to end the relationship because I love her very much but it kills me to get have beg her for sex and when ever I bring it up we just start fighting and nothing happens. We havent had sex for 2 years and we havent made out for almost 3. She always says its because she is uncomfortable with her body but doesnt want to do anything about it. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 November 2006):
 You have to make a decision. How important is sex to you?
If it was me in that situation, I would have left a year ago. Is it becuase she is uncomfortable with her body, or is it another reason?
Could she have been abused sexually as a kid, or maybe she was raped 3 years ago, and did not tell you? Is she seeing someone else? Is she finding out she is a lesbian, and does not know how to come out of the closet.
Sex is only 10% of a relationship, but when sex is the problem, it is 90% of the problems.
I think you need to move on. She is not interested in fixing this. You deserve affection. She is not the one for you. She is close, but she is not the one. Get out of the there now, before you waste anymore time.
-Frank B Kermit
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): This is a tough one, I have been in my relationship for 5 years and I have put on 3 stone! and I still have sex with my partner alot.
Some women find it hard to except the way their body looks when they have put weight on, I know how it feels I was a really nice shape 5ft 10" uk size 14 nice and curvy but not fat. then I stated to put wieght on realised I was pregnant and its been an up hill struggle ever since. I still havent come to terms with my size and I am still getting bigger.
your probably thinking what the hell has this got to do with my problem!!??. but us Women are constantly under pressure to look good all the time with aparantly no effort.
Which is really sad,im really unhappy with my weight and it has really knocked my confidence to the point where Im finding it hard to get a job.
I know I need to loose weight but the way I look puts me off going to the Gym, and I'm too embarrased to ask for help and I dont really feel that I am capable of losing the weight anyway, which is a side effect of the low confidence.
So if you are looking for the magic answer to this I'm affraid there isnt really one, just tell her that you love her everyday and tell her that she looks good and she might start to regain the lost confidence. If that doesnt work maybe you should suggest marriage guidence to get the relationship back on track.
Ok good luck, and hope it all works out for you.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (22 November 2006):
 I assume she has a weight problem. If her weight doesn't bother you, why does it bother her? I think that before you go to the alter, you need to go to joint counseling. If her hang-up is with her body now, what's it going to be after the rings are exchanged? I'd be afraid it would be more of the same.
She needs to change the way she is (lose weight), or change the way she thinks.
Good luck!
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