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female
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anonymous
writes: i would just like to thank the people who took the time to answer my worries on my husband left me for a girl 15 years younger . and to say yes i do have kids but they dont know about this because im hoping to get back with him. i love and miss him so much and yes we did all the fighting and shouting. i did not let him off lightly he was going to go either way.i cant stop him but i just found out were this girl lives should i go see her and ask her does she know what she is doing would she like it to happen to her mum and dad thay are the same age as me and my husband .and ask her would she like to see her mums heart broken over her dad going with another girl half his age and what would that make her feel like . should i do this or would that be pushing him away even more. i just really want him back please help Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, Janedoe  +, writes (30 May 2008):
I can not believe how many women now days are being left for younger women. After years of raising children and giving your all . It is one of the most painful experiences any woman can every have. It happend to me twice. It affected me so much that I went into a deep depression, gained 20 lbs cried for two years. He's left her and now is with a girl 23 when hes almost 50.It does not good to approach these girls, being with older men even married is a somewhat popular thing to do now days for girls in there 20s. Some day when they get left for girl in her 20s it will finally hit home. In the mean time , you have to do what you have to do to get through the pain, find new friends, work out, start hiking, join a club, what ever it takes, dating and finding a man I found does not good. you have to take care of you and let it go and move on. It will work its self out but he will just go to another young girl. Its about his insecurity of growing old has nothing to do with you, you are in my prayers
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I know EXACTLY how you feel, i am in the same position only my husband came to my house and tryed getting intimate with me.I thought that if i approached this girl she would not put up with it but instead it blew up in my face, instead he lied making me the liar and he wouldnt speak to me for months. I believe if u try to approach her you will only be pushing him further away
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): I feel your pain my husband did the same thing he left me for a young girl who now has a child supposely by him. We have 5 and one of them is just 1 year younger then his girlfriend. But he tell me that he don't have a girlfriend it is just all about his children. I have confronted the girl and she is very childish and dont under stand that she has broken up my family. But I know what goes around comes around and I know they both will get their's
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): I truly feel for you. But keep in mind the younger woman is likely an pathetic, insecure, selfish, stupid girl. What's the point in talking to her? She is probably as caught up in his lies as you were. He has her believing one side of a story - his. No doubt she thinks He is a great man that came from a bad marriage and deserves a second chance in life to be happy and who better than her to "save" him? Since she isn't smart enough to see the other side of the coin, let her have it. No doubt she'll enventually need it to call another married man who cares (see December 12 response).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2008): i was in the same boat, then i took him back and now i'm back in the same boat. don't confront the other woman. if she didn't know about you she's going to be defensive and might say hurtful things. if she did know about you she's a skank and doesn't deserve to even be spoken to. you take pride in yourself and don't let your husbands actions make you think that you are anything less than an amazing woman.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): I know what your going through as it happened to me in September we never argued I was clueless to what was going on he was my sole mate she is 13 years younger than me.He has changed his appearence to to suit her,she is every thing he had hated in a women.So where did I go wrong , he said I have done nothing wrong.So I'm left in a limbo state.I'd have him back tomorrow but I know deep down this will never happen .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): My ex did this as well, he left me for a woman 21 years his junior and she can have him. I have three children, who do not speak with him primarily because not only was she sleeping with my then husband, but she also tried to be with our oldest son. My ex is now married to her (for the second time - they have divorced once because she cheated on him).
My point is, you are much better off (even though it doesn't feel like it right now). The women they are with have no clue as to what types of problems and baggage that these type of men carry with them. They don't change their stripes - even though the stupid young women think they came from bad marriages (they will say anything to make you feel like a loser and rationalize why they ended up with your husband) Just don't believe it - they have to devalue you in order to make themselves feel like they are justified. Hold your head up high. The little sluts deserve all the crap that they are going to get and the ex - well, you can't make them the kind of man you want - loyal, honest, trustworthy. No matter how hard you try. These type of men that go for those type of girls won't change and are fatally flawed. You are better off without him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): No, I don't think that you should confront the woman who your husband is with. However you feel about the woman who your husband is with, the fact remains that she had no obligation to you - your husband did.
Confronting the woman your husband is with now is only going to create more of an emotional bond between the two of them (him and her vs. you).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I am a case of a younger woman. My now husband left and divorced his wife of 18 years to be with me. He is a great man that came from a bad marriage and deserved a second chance in life to be happy. His ex-wife has been harassing him, me and even my former husband with all sorts of actions ever since he first dated me. You don't need to be that pathetic. The result of a confrontation and stupid phone calls will most likely end in a restraining order against you or a harassment injunction. It is what it is move on with it. As for what I thought when I first started having an affair with him. I did not care about that anonymous woman at all and had she confronted me, I would have told her ask yourself or your husband why. It is not my problem that your marriage failed.
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female
reader, hunnybunny  +, writes (26 July 2007):
I say, pretend not to care. Maybe he gone off with younger woman because he knows he can have you any time, if it doesnt work out he can always go back to you. Well no more. Find a guy - even just to make him jealous. Perhaps a younger more attractive guy wud be ideal. :) Then he be thinking, why she got over me so quickly? Show him you can do without. He probably like this girl for lust. He may well get bored and come back to you, just make sure he does all the begging and crawling. The more you chase him the more he'll run. Find someone else, have fun and try to forget him for a little while. Do whatever it takes to make you feel like the woman you are and then he'll realize what he's lost. "...the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows" Audrey Hepburn
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): I know that you would feel like you need to confront this cheating woman. It's your husband's fault for not trying. this about it this way, two friends of mine felt like they just needed to confront the woman. neither knew anything about the woman except that she was willing to have sex with the husband. in each of their cases, each of them confronted a person they didn't know. the woman made up stories that made things worse, one of my friends even got threatened and her family. It does no good. Work with your husband, if you want the relationship back. It is possible that many things in the relationship was dismissed for whatever reasons, and that's what you should work on. Good luck, all of you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2006): i agree with the others. dont think that you should confront the other girl. i think you need to show him that you can be a successful woman without him, that he cannot hurt you. he should understand that he's the one missing out for leaving you and one day he will realise it. when that day come i want you to hold your head high and be proud of you.
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female
reader, pica +, writes (23 November 2006):
I agree with the other aunts, why target the girl? She didn't leave you, she doesn't know you. To her you are just some anyonymous woman. This is obviously a horrible situation for you but your husband is the person who has let you down. Don't let yourself down as well - rise above it all. And if you do get him back, can you trust him not to do the same again?
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female
reader, ariel +, writes (23 November 2006):
 Let me tell you what I did and learn't form it. I confronted the woman via the phone Told her she owed me an apology and cursed her and asked her why ect and do you know what she said "Ask your husband".I realised that it had nothing to do with her,but him.
Ask your husband why he is leaving?Get the closure so you can deal with his answer.Blaming her and sending her on a guilt trip will accomplish nothing.
Irish is right its about you and your kids.He needs to explain why.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (22 November 2006):
 As a woman, I totally understand why you need to see her and talk to her. I had a good friend whose husband had an affair. She was a strong, calm, rational woman. She met the mistress. It made her realize she had nothing to fear and it helped her to get a handle on just what she was dealing with. It gave her this odd sense of empowerment she felt, enabled her to make clearer, more sensible life choices regarding her marriage demise. However..I have to agree with Ariel and caution you not to do this. Confronting a mistress doesn't work that way for all women. You sound upset and distraught and rightfully so. Your marriage is in ruins and you are devastated. In your case, a meeting with his mistress can turn very, very ugly. So...don't risk it unless you know for a fact...you can keep yourself under control. My suggestion: For now, leave her alone and rise above it and remain dignified. Its your husband who has left and betrayed you and your kids. All your anger and pain should be directed at him, where it belongs. Forget this other woman, what goes around comes around and she'll likely find herself in the same situation in a few years time. As for your marriage, I'd get a jump on this situation and start consulting with lawyers and know exactly what your rights are and what you are entitiled to, should this marriage get to the divorce courts. Now is the time to think of yourself and let's not forget the care of the children. Put the children first and priorize them. Keeping them out of this as much as you can is the best way to go...I commend you for that. So be strong, try your best to ignore the mistress and look after yourself. My heart is with you...take care.
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female
reader, ariel +, writes (22 November 2006):
Why do you want to go around to her house?Its got nothing to do with her.If it was not her it would of been someone else.What I am trying to say is,its your HUSBAND.He left you because he wanted to.Taking your anger out on a silly girl won't solve your problems.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2006): Perhaps you should leave it a while for you to calm down otherwise you might say something to her that you really regret.
If you feel you can manage your anger OK then perhaps you can set your mind at ease by talking to her for a while. Don't lose your temper; be patient and remember that she may not even have known that he had a husband.
If there are things you want to ask her then ask her outright but do it gently otherwise you'll both go away feeling you've gained nothing from the conversation.
Give this girl a chance to explain herself, she may feel really guilty for what she's done and might want to apologise. If she does, then for God's sake don't tell her that you can't forgive her even if you can't. Just nod politely and accept what she says.
Do what you think is right and if you think that talking to this girl might set your mind at ease then go for it. If you don't think it will then what's the point? And remember; if you think you'll get mad at her then give it time and wait for your anger to ease before you rush in there. Good luck XxXxX
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