A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I am jealous of his ex-girlfriend and I'm driving myself crazy. I've talked about it with him a million times...he is always understanding, although it's waring on him...and he is always honest, completely.He was with her for 3 years, just 6 months before he met me. He had even proposed to her two years into their relationship, but never set a date or made any arrangments. She moved away to another country after that, but they kept a long distance relationship on the phone. They broke up because their relationship dwindled and he said he thought they would be happier with different people. She didn't want to move back here to America.He says he is happier with me and loves me more than anyone before because I've been able to understand him and love him more passionately. He says I opened his eyes.But again, when we met, he was still talking to her regularily on the phone. Then I asked him to stop because I didn't like it.He did. He blamed me and explained it to her and he said she was more than understanding. She said that the way things had to be...I asked him to throw out all her stuff that he had.He did. He basically removed her from his life... He said that he thinks of her only as a close friend. Someone whom was with him at a critical time (college) in his life. He refuses to say anything bad about her or their relationship and it makes me believe he still has feelings for her.When I ask he says he will ALWAYS care for her but only as a friend. Just as he cares for his other friends. He says that he takes me more seriously and wants to spend his life with me only. But how can I know if he is telling the truth or is he hiding somthing? Do you think he is really over his ex? Can she really be just a friend or am I being naive? -Truth Seeker
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broke up, ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (5 September 2007):
 Then you have to look into yourself to see what is causing the jealousy/insecurity (easily said -difficult to do). Have a chat with a friend who you can really trust. You are possibly trying to compare yourself in some way to his ex-gf. We are all different people. Your bf loves you for who you are. If you wish to improve yourself - thats fine - but don't drive yourself crazy - do it logically with cool determination - not frantically. Best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks...its means alot to hear it from a guy's perspective. We've been together nearly 7 months now and he says he wants to marry me someday...but I'm still learning to get over this jealousy/insecurity
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (2 September 2007):
Hi Truth Seeker. You're absolutely right - Yes you're driving yourself crazy; Yes - he is telling the truth (actions speak louder than words); Yes - he is over his ex-gf; Yes - she can just be a friend (but don't think she is that anymore).Think about the future - otherwise you are in danger of destroying this relationship. What if he had four previous girlfriends that he loved before you met him ?? Can you see that it is pointless worrying about the past. Don't worry - your feelings are normal - but these feelings need to be overcome by logic and truth.
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