A
male
age
41-50,
*esoreal
writes:After proposing to a woman I have lived with for two years i moved to another city. She joined me a few months later, but then ended the relationship because I cheated on her. (note: she did as well prior to that) She wont give me the 10K diamond. Should I get it back? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Interesting to read all this. 10k for a ring? Wow, that must have been one hell of a rock!
I'd suggest if there's a next time you buy a car instead of a ring and keep the title to it but tell her she can use it. Drive it once a week yourself so that she knows she's only borrowing it.
If you buy a ring, make sure you can afford to lose it should the same scenario happen all over again, then you won't appear to have materialistic tendencies to any onlookers when you simply write it off and forget about it!
A
male
reader, mesoreal +, writes (4 May 2009):
mesoreal is verified as being by the original poster of the question I GOT THE RING BACK! thanks for everyeone who voted in my favor. for those on the fence, yes she did cheat on me as well with a Dallas Cowboy football player. Lesson learned - FOLLOW THY HEART & INSTINCT
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2009): I think she should give the ring back and is probably just trying to punish you for cheating on her.
I know she cheated in the past but what were the circumstances? Was it just a kiss or a full affair? Were you having a affair? was it with one of her friends.
Just because she cheated earlier does not make it ok for you to do so without consequences and even though she did it first she is probably hurting right now.
Do you want/need the ring for financial reasons? You probably didn't love her (or her you) if you were both off shagging other people.
My final say is get the ring back sell it and split the money.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I watched Judge Judy as well... I believe the rule of thumb is, if you break it off, she keeps the ring... if she breaks it off, you get it back. That's pretty much what the courts go by, I believe. Take her to small claims court.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I saw this on Judge Judy. The guy gets the ring back I'm pretty sure.
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 Ah, good one. Legally its get tricky. What is an engagement ring.
An unconditional gift? In that case you gave it, she got it, she owns it.
Or is it a conditional gift, "I give you this ring if you marry me." She didn't fullfil the agreement, so the condition is broken, you get the ring back.
On the other hand, who caused the agreement to be broken? Both sides make expenses when they agree to wed. By accepting your ring after all she agrees to no longer look for better offers. Think of a sale, you often have to make a deposit if you agree to buy something in the future. If you do not make the buy, you loose deposit to compensate the other party for their lost time.
You could go to court for this, the judge will then look at local law and at expenses at both sides. If for instance she spent money on the wedding and you by cheating caused the engagement to fail you might well end up being accountable for those expenses. You might not just loose the ring but have to pay on top of it.
She cheated before is not relevant since you apparently did not consider it worth breaking of the engagement.
As said it is a good question. The mature thing would be to just let it go. Chalk it up to experience. But then mature people don't cheat.
...............................
A
male
reader, mesoreal +, writes (3 May 2009):
mesoreal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want it back because I am unable to sleep wondering if she would come back to me or not. Just found out she is dating someone else and he probably helped her out of this "bind" so time to cut all losses
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I think legally you can get it back. Check it out with a lawyer, i mean you only gave the ring for the future of marriage. As much as everything sucks, it probably still means something to her. A part of you. Maybe next time don't buy such an expensive ring and maybe both of you should learn a thing or two about cheating and what it does to a relationship. She may have cheated first and you obviously forgave her. You then made a part commitment to this relationship by being engaged. She may have left but you did cheat and that gave her grounds to leave, whether or not she cheated first.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 Morally, yes you should get it back but then again, this seems like a tit for tat relationship: She slept with.... so I slept with.... etc.
SO do you want the ring back for morals or because you want the last say?
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 May 2009):
Yes.
You were in a verbal agreement to marry.
That ring is like the damage deposit.
It comes from back in the day when you would have been supporting her and her family would have been paying for the wedding.
So if you buggered off the ring would pay for her to move back home and cancel the wedding.
Since she is the one who no longer wants to get married then she has to hand back your deposit. Otherwise we girls could just go round getting expensive rings from men and then dumping them.
Tell her you will take her to the small claims court if you do not have the ring back in 10 days.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Morally yes, she should return the ring to you although as you say, I doubt she will. Personally, I would resort to less conventional means to retrieve it i.e. if you're still living together, just take it when/ if she leaves it off. Failing that, I guess you're stuffed, as Gina more-or-less said.
...............................
|
