A
male
age
41-50,
*ocky_209
writes:Hello All,I have been with with my wife for 15 years together for 20. A couple of years into our marriage, we got on the topic of past lovers. My wife had 1 boyfriend who she never had sex with, but they did fool around with oral and touching. This is what she told me. A few weeks ago we started talking about this again. Now she claims she has no memory what so ever of ever doing anything with this guy other than him touching her down there. She wont deny other things, but insists that she has no memory at all of anything else. I was beside myself, WTF you mean you have no memory. She swears up and down on everything she cant remember. Is this possible? Has anyone have a similar experience? I can see if she had multiple boyfriends she might not remember the first, but he was her first and I her second. How does one wipe their memory like this? I would like to know.I Sh! and my self in the 4th grade, I want to erase this memory forever too.I cant find anything on the internet (yes I know not to believe everything on there) that talks about women wiping their memory clean like this.Any help would be much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): She remembered some things early on, but a lot - A LOT - of time has passed. Clearly it meant a lot more to you than it did to her. That's why you remember it so well and she doesn't - because she hasn't been thinking about it. You should feel content and secure in that she hasn't been reminiscing about it all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): I can honestly say that I have absolutely no memory of any of my previous partners in bed. Except the last one and that was recent. I haven't 'worked' to actively 'erase' anything, I just don't remember. It's no longer important and life goes on. If I was in her shoes, I seriously doubt I'd remember a relationship that long ago either. In fact I don't! It's perfectly possible that she remembered back then when you asked her previously, but no longer recalls anything. I don't know if men and women are different in this way. Maybe men remember everything to do with sex, if you find this so hard to believe. I can only reiterate that I am the same as your wife. I was married once about twenty years ago and remember absolutely nothing about our sex life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 I've been married twice, now single, kids with both husbands, cannot for the life of me remember anything significant about the first one, I doubt I would even recognise him if we passed in the street ......
I cant remember doing the deed with him, but I must have because my pregnancy was not an immaculate conception, but the details just don't exist.
So, to answer your question, yes, it is possible the memory has gone for your wife.
I would suggest very strongly that you now let the subject drop.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 November 2015):
 She doesn't want to really discuss it, because it's a non-subject. And maybe because she knows there is no point to hashing the past. So WHAT if they had oral or fooled around?
Why is it important to you NOW?
Be Elsa, let it go, !
And yes, can be that she has forgot some of it. Specially if he wasn't really relevant in her life. But mostly I think it's just a matter of her not even wanting to think about it.
It's her past, what's the point in digging around in it? How is that going to improve anything for you two?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): my wife has been somewhat the same thing over the years. early years she gave me one story now she cant remember, and tells me it hard to tell what i said back then.
other words she told me what would be the easiest on me to not drive me away, and keep me from leaving her.
i believe too that my wife has mentally blocked some things out of her mind she does not want to remember.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): Hi. I'm not sure why this is so important to you? You guys have been together for half your lives- 20 years is an incredible amount of time- do you have issues in your relationship and therefore this appears a big deal? Because honestly, I don't think it is. I have had but a few lovers, I am in my mid forties, and while I know who my first is- I'd have to really think to recall details of either our time together or our sex life. Not because its wiped from my memory, but because I am so far removed emotionally from it- I'm a totally different person now, and the feelings and emotions of that relationship aren't there- haven't been for years, and simply aren't important. Why would anyone want to connect again with a relationship a life time ago that is done? I think there is more to this than you are saying.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): Maybe she wasn't as emotionally attached to him. I have slept with only one person and fooled around with 3 others, most of the time i only remember what was significant to me. Such as how much they meant to me or if they had foul dog breath. I don't remember everything. Also she has been with you 20 years, of course details will be hazy and of course you likely have made the most impact. You likely have over written some of the memories when you made better ones. There is the chance she doesn't want to hurt your feelings so is not being totally honest but after 20 years, I don't think she would go out of her way to be dishonest especially as she had already confirmed some stuff years ago. If she doesn't remember then it isn't important. In the words of frozen, let it go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): "I don't remember" = I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS.
Respect that and don't bring it up again. No good will come of it. Focus on the present and on strengthening your marriage, not looking for ways to hurt it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): Memories,if unused, can be erased over time. I can give you the numbers 375, assuming they have no other significance to you, and ask you to remember them for the next 24 hours, long enough to process them into your long term memory. In two years, you will not remember those numbers, generally speaking, unless you continue to rehearse them regularly. She's been with you for a very long time. She has every reason to erase those memories. You should be happy she has lost desire to retrieve them, as somewhere along the line her mind probably deemed them irrelevant to who she is today and threw them out.
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