A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is there anyone out there who has been forced (not arranged) to marry someone you do not love or are not attracted to, when you already loved someone else? Has your marriage to this person really truly honestly worked not out of obligation, emotional blackmail, brainwashing or guilt but because you realized it's right for you and you sincerely want to be married to this person? Do you ever think about or long for the love you left? Why wouldn't you choose to be happy? Will there ever be a day that people in these situations stand up to their parents and tell them it's no ok to force someone upon them? Will this ever end? Im not talking about arranged marriages where the parties may have been reluctant at first. Im talking about forced marriages between two adults where at least one of them says no but the families are relentless and break this person down so bad they end up giving in. Can it ever work? Does anyone deserve that agony? The parents call it fate and destiny but thats just an excuse. Fate and destiny are a feeling when something is right not what other people predict for you..right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy boyfriend, 35, was forced to marry a girl, 30s, from Pakistan. He was born & raised in the US. He doesnt love her & isnt attracted to her but is told he will be disowned if he doesnt give her a chance. He refuses to touch her. She accepts it. He doesnt. He cares for me. Even if I wasnt around, he doesnt want her. He refuses to sign any legal papers. He sent her back to Pakistan 6 months ago. Hasnt spoken to her. Her family calls his family all of the time. Both sides are relentless. Now his father is saying he is bringing her & the parents back & he better give her a chance & he better like it since he has taken all of their happiness away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): OP how has this 'forced' marriage affected you. Were you forced to marry someone? Or has your loved one been forced to marry against his will? What is really happening in your life?
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. We definitely agree AND its comforting. Its amazing that these things even occur in the US with adults in their 30s AND the pressure is even more intense because the family is more worried about their honor tHan anything else. But what they don't understand is that they will be less respected in the US for forcing their grown adult children to marry AND live in misery but pretend. This family forced their son to marry. He refuses to touch the girl. She wants his affection. I think she sees no other options. And his father had the nerve to call a family meeting AND ask why they dont act like a married couple????? They said he took away all of their happiness. Nobody should have to stay in that even of it's 1 month, 5 years or 40 years. They should be about to experience the 'splash of color' in their lives that everyone deserves. I wish I could hear real life examples from people. Is anyone in this situation? What do you do?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 Yes you are totally right. Marriage is about two people who love each other and want to be with each other and truely believe that they have found there soul mate. You cannot force that on someone. You cannot force someone to feel something they simply do not feel. They will never be happy and probably will always resent there parents for making them do that. However they will probably just get on with there lives and think that its the only choice that they have because thats what there destiny is. But no its not. I feel people in this situation should be brave enough to walk away from there family if they are going to treat them like this. Its that persons entire life and if they are already in love with someone well then it is going to be a very hard and hurtful life if they marry someone they do not care about. Just my opinion.
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