A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online and I really like him. -I am aware from the very beginning that he is trying to finish his PhD dissertation, and I know it can get very stressful. He used to write me about twice every week, but lately he just does it once every week. -Last time it was over a week and I did not hear from him, so I sent him a brief email just asking how he was doing. His response was the one below, which includes a "sad face", but I am not sure if he really meant it. I really really like him, I want to hear other people’s thoughts about his email (which he sent a week ago, and I have not hear from him since). I appreciate any advice as what to do. HIS RESPONSE: Hi, I am sorry that I have not written in a long time. Every day I plan on writing to you, but then it never happens. It is the same old story - I'm super busy with everything. Today is the same thing...I was going to write to you but I've been working on my class all day. Tomorrow is full of meetings and teaching, but then after that I will try to write to you - hopefully in the evening....sorry! I'm sure you are tired of hearing the same old story from me! :( PS- I just replied to this email: I completely understand. :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 Hi there OP - as someone who is also finishing their PhD I can give you first hand experience of this.
It is hard. Like crazy difficult and drives you mad. You can spend the whole day being busy and then get to the end and realise you haven't done anything productive at all, being nowhere near the word count you wanted to be.
Which is why I am now here writing this at 2.45am on a Monday morning, because I am pulling an all nighter to catch up and having a teabreak :(
I can honestly say this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my entire life. I have friends who think ive been abducted by aliens because I have been so preoccupied.
Give him a break, please. If he is feeling anything like me, then the stress levels are as bursting point, and he is feeling full of self doubt, anxiety, pressure from his Prof, topped with sheer blind panic.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (20 November 2011):
 Hi,
I think he's being honest, and genuine. The problem is, you've known him only a month. Also, it's hard to care, develop feelings for someone you have never met?
The truth is, when you meet people online, it takes time to develop any kind of relationship. We are humans, we need actual contact to develop emotions, and attachments. Be patient.... This could lead to something, we hear couples meeting online, developing relationships all the time. I think that the key here is: patience...
Good luck
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A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (20 November 2011):
yes, it sounds geniune. he is really busy, so just be patient.
take care
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 I don't know if you've ever tried to complete a dissertation, but it's a stunningly difficult thing to do. If you're sure about his bona fides, then yes, it's a completely believable response.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 I would say it's the full quid. Trying to finish a PhD is hard work. Wait until he's finished it and then see what the contact is like. Cool your heels with your friends until then.
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