A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About a month ago my boyfriend asked me if we could have sex in a different position (just to make things a little different) i'd already been on top, so he said why not face the other way? I instantly felt uncomfortable and said no. I asked why he suggested it and he said to mix things up and because he thinks it'll look nice too. I instantly thought it was because he'd seen it in porn or something, (which he no longer watches and hasn't for over a year as he finds is disgusting) so straight away it got my back up. Yesterday I was thinking about it and again ended up with the 'porn' answer. So I got annoyed and told him about it. I hate porn and I hate just about everything to do with it! I genuinely don't understand why people watch it and I'd get annoyed if my boyfriend watched it. I understand I can't control his life. It's weird because I'm not jealous of the women in porn, but it makes me feel uncomfortable to think of him watching another woman. Do you think I'm just being stupid? Or is it a common thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy would moaning and groaning make him a male prostitute?
I don't understand what you are trying to imply.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): With your beliefs I'm surprised that you are even having sex. So if he moans or groans is he a male prostitute?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI disagree with 'where would people get ideas from, if it wasn't for porn'.
I think that's a ridiculous response; i don't watch porn and I know plenty of different ways of having sex.
You hear about them from friends, and friends's friends, it just gets around. You don't have to watch porn to 'spice up your sex life'.
I felt bad and upset because i felt like he wanted me to act like a 'pornstar'.
I'm trying to answer all the questions you agony aunts and uncles have left, so bear with me!
Erm, we don't argue about it. It was a discussion to start with, but then turned into a heated discussion! We didn't seriously argue, it's just I worry too much.
Today things have been better and we've spoke about it. I'm willing to give it a go, maybe I'll like it after all eh!? Now we have disscussed it properly I feel better, and not like he wants me to act like a silly pornstar.
To satindesires response, I don't mind if he wants us to get 'dirty' it's just i'm genuinley disgusted by porn and I thought he was too, so it was a shock when he told me about this 'new position' which he'd seen on porn about a year or so ago. It made me feel like he wanted to do it BECAUSE it was on porn, which obviously had a negative affect on me!
We're sorted now though, so thankyou for the responses you've made me realise maybe I was being a little paranoid!
Thankyou!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): This is in response to the post below in which is written from a male:
"...where would people get ideas about sex if it wasnt for porn?"
While I understand the reasoning behind this question, I find it incredibly ignorant. What??? Where did anyone get sex ideas BEFORE there was porn? I mean do you really feel that way? Where WOULD people get ideas about sex if it wasnt for porn? Where would people GET IDEAS about sex if it wasnt for porn? Where would people get ideas about sex if it wasnt for PORN?
Wow. Just wow. I am truly embarrassed by my own gender sometimes.
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A
female
reader, blackblackheart +, writes (12 May 2009):
There's nothing wrong with having sex in different positions - your partner is probably just bored of doing the same, dull, positions every time you have sex.
Every guy knows sex positions without having to look at porn, and even if he was looking at porn, you have no right to say he can't.
It won't affect how he feels about you, even I watch porn, as a woman, and I love it and it doesn't change at all how I feel about my partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): I think he just wAntedto try a different position, to spice up yours ex life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2009): Theres two questions here, one is the position something you should try, you only do or try something until you see if it works for you, doesnt sound like this does so, thats that.As far as the porn thing goes, im not going to try and change your mind about that but I will say this I have and dowatch porn and have been in loving relationships and watched porn occasionally, always with porn its about release, theres no emotion involved at all. I have never wanted to have sex with any of the women i have seen. sex with a loving partner is mind blowing porn is just normal, thats my two cent, Can I be nosy and ask when you discuss this with your boyfriend is it a discussion or an argument, because there are any amount of ways to have sex, check out the karma sutra, but if every time he suggests something you accuse him of wanting you to be a pornstar it my become a problem for both of ye. One other things where would people get ideas about sex if it wasnt for porn?
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female
reader, sammi star +, writes (12 May 2009):
 It's not stupid to think as you do, everyone is different. I don't think your boyfriend was trying to make you act like the girls in these films but at the same time you were right not to do something you feel uncomfortable with. If he wants to spice things up a bit, why not find new things you'd both be happy to try? Have a look through some girls magazines for some tips and ideas and decide what you would both be comfortable with.
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