A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year now and we have always had sex reguarly, its never been the same there was also something to spice it up everytime. But recently within the past few months maybe he would reject having sex with me and leave it for about a week? We had a porn issue before because its one of the big things for me in a relationship, it reallys does put me down and make me feel worthless. But the thing is i have told him this and he swore on my life and promised me he wouldn't goon it again. Until a couple of days ago when i checked my computer history, it hurt me to the extent which i couldn't confront him. And another thing, i get really put off having sex altogether the thought of him watching porn. In the end i did confront himand he said he just watches it and doesn't do anything ele, really? Because in my head, if you love someone that much why do you need to see other people naked and making meaningless love? And no it not a mans nature men do have self control just like women but they choose not to. I just don't know what to do anymore, his still being sneeky like deleting all history off his phone and computer. And the thing i don't get is if i was looking at other men it would be totally different? I do love him so much but he knows how much pain i go through when he does look at it, I made sacrifices for him because it hurt him so why cant he?please help? Thank you
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female
reader, Candycane1234 +, writes (7 June 2012):
 Hi I believe that men do these kind of things again and again because they believe they are not doing anything wrong in their minds. My boyfriend came up with every excuse possible. They are not in the room with me, it's just a set of pixels etc
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2011): If you've talked to him about how it makes you feel. If he's seen you cry and become self conscious because of it..... He knows and he just doesn't think you're as important to him as his "next porn fix".
LEAVE HIM.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 When I was a younger man, in the 1960s-70s, pornography was fairly difficult to find. If a guy wanted sexual stimulation, a girl was needed. Today, porn is just a click away. I think it deters normal sex, and results in increased masturbation, but such is the case these days. In my opinion, if porn affects normal sexual activities with a woman, then the girl should probably look elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 December 2011):
 if you told him you don't like it and he still does it and you can't like it or tolerate it then you need to leave him.
porn is about sex not making love.
and PORN does not put you down... YOU put yourself down and PORN does not make you feel worthless YOU make yourself feel worthless.
TO be honest, if you don't like porn, you need to find a boy that does not like it either.... and leave the boys that like watching porn to girls that are ok with it.
My fiance watches porn... sometimes we watch it together... it's not about love or how he feels about me.
I think about sexual things other than him when I pleasure myself... I'm sure he thinks of something other than me when he's alone too.... Variety is the spice of life but if you are in a monogamous relationship the only way to find it with someone other than your partner is in your imagination or porn...
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (16 December 2011):
 why are you so threatened by porn? Why does it make you so insecure? Why is it such a big issue if your bf looks at it?
1. Your boyfriend is with YOU he chose to be with YOU.
2. If you love each other and have a good sex life why are you making it into such an issue.
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A
female
reader, angelalb +, writes (16 December 2011):
My husband is 42 and still looks at porn. Its what guys do especially younger guys. Have you tried to explore with him ask him questions about it. Maybee if you could be a little more open he might not do it as much. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): If he is doing anything that he knows will hurt you but he chooses to keep doing it anyway. Then he is not the guy for you. I don't like porn. My partner never watches it. You need someone who has a high regard for your feelings and shares your standards. Staying with this guy will just cause you endless amounts of worry. Is he really worth it when he doesnt consider your feelings AND lies to you?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 My sense is he has no idea that it hurts you or anyone else. Men9me included) annot understand the dimay that women feel over watching others on the computer .It is after all just vapor(pixals accross a scree). It's not as if we actually touch another person.I agree with te others though if it bothes you and he won't stop then say goodbye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): This is rather easy OP, you don't like porn, he does and he's not going to stop using it. So you have choice to make, either get over your hatred of porn, leave him and find a guy that doesn't like porn or just stay with him knowing he's going to use it and constantly feeling pain. Those are your three options really.
OP he said he'd stop using it and he didn't, so he lied to you and is going to keep using it he told you that himself. It's also obvious the idea of it hurting you is not enough to make him stop and that is a very bad sign OP, because protecting our partner from pain is possibly the greatest motivation anyone can have not to do something. If you ask me you're incompatible with him on a very base level of morality. You don't like porn, it makes you very upset to think he is using it and he's not going to stop so what are you going to do? Hope he changes and stops using it? You tried that already and he obviously doesn't think it's important enough to stop. You can't change a person OP, this is something he enjoys and is going to keep on enjoying. The only people we can change is ourselves, so you either get over it or you move on, or as I said before you stay with him because you love him and sit there in agony as you hope he will stop, something which will not happen, he will just hide it better.
"Because in my head, if you love someone that much why do you need to see other people naked and making meaningless love?" For the record that's in your head, not his, he doesn't view it the same way you do and he never will. Trust me I don't see the big deal about porn, I use it, I enjoy it and have a girlfriend that does the same. I wouldn't date someone who is against it because I'm going to use it no matter what and I'd rather have an open and honest relationship than have to use it behind a girls back.
"And the thing i don't get is if i was looking at other men it would be totally different?" That's not the same thing, he's not looking at other women, he's just watching sex. In a recent discussion I had with my girlfriend who likes porn, she described it as being a lot like passionate kissing. A passionate kiss is not something most guys or girls would allow their partner to do and would consider it cheating but the same is not said about watching two people kiss passionately. Kissing is an intensely sexual act, so why do people not feel threatened by their partner watching two people kissing but are when it comes to meaningless sex?
You see people can understand that we're not watching the person kiss, we're watching the kiss itself and that makes it okay. Well the same can be said about porn, we're not watching a naked woman and lusting after her we're watching the physical sex.
Look I'm not telling you all this to try and change your mind, I'm just giving you a different perspective. Your views of porn make you completely incompatible with a guy who likes it, has and will use and has lied to you about using it. Get over it, leave him, or stay. The choice is one you have to make. But in my mind you'd save yourself a lot of pain and anguish if you just walked away now.
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