A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,After dating my boyfriend for 9 months I still haven't heard from him that he loves me.I told him at the 6 months make and he said he wasn't there yet but cared for me I agreed and told him that I probably didnt love him yet either (I was drunk at the time *cringe). Were very happy together have holidays booked for next year and I have got to know his family who he is very close too.He often jokes about me loving him like if I say playfully I don't like you anymore after he insults me he will reply you know you love me still really.Do you think his checking how I feel or am I reading too much into his comments.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I went through the same thing. I dated a man exclusively, seeing each other almost everyday. After six months, he still couldn't say he loved me & I wondered if he ever would.
I didn't know if I wanted to invest more time & quit seeing him. A few weeks later he contacted me & finally said he loved me.
It is now two years later, we still date exclusively but live apart, now he can't say the word marriage.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 September 2012):
 I tell my fiance I love him all the time... I told him last night in a therapy session and I hate doing it because he never says he loves me... if i ask him he does.. but he just does not like to say it... I think in nearly 2 years I've heard it 3 times from him... always when he's drunk....
BUT I know he loves me... how he treats me tells me.... how he talks about me to others tells me, how he looks at me tells me.... I've learned that the words are very secondary to the actions.
IF you love your guy and you want to tell him... do it...
IF you want to know how he feels about you... ASK him...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): Yeah it's possible he is. I mean you said you didn't love him so maybe he's waiting for you to say it.
Look do you love him or not? Because if you do it's time you just came out and said it to him. Frankly OP it's been 9 months don't you think it's time you talked about where you stand in this?
I mean if you don't love him that's fine, but really it's been 9 months you really should be past the guessing stage of things. You should be comfortable enough with him and know him well enough to able to talk about this like two adults.
What's holding you back? The idea that he may not be in love with you and you just don't want to hear he's not?
Well if that's the case knowing is not going make that worse, at least if you know where you stand and know where you're going with this you can make decisions based on that and get rid of all these niggling little questions in your head.
Do you really want to get to xmas and your one year anniversary still not knowing if the guy you're with a year loves you or not? You know what OP, in my mind after 9 months of being together if he doesn't love you now he probably never will.
If as you think he's trying to see whether you do before he opens up to you because he's trying to protect himself then again you have to make the first move.
You have nothing to lose by talking to him about this, because if he doesn't love you then that's going to be the case whether you do talk to him or not, it's time.
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