A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so me and this girl were talking for about a month and we both liked each other but after a month of talking she said "i think we should be friends....i'm sorry" and "but don't be afraid to talk to me" and "I'm sorry if i made you mad or sad". Her reason was because she felt like she let her morals down by letting me finger her. I also heard from a mutual friend that she said i was too "pushy" for sexual things. When she gave me that talk i tried to keep her by saying "i really like you and i'll do anything to make this workout" and she said "Josh, i know, but it's just awkward now. She tried to IM me on facebook saying "hey :)" a month after the "lets be friends" but i just replied with "sup" and got off without saying anything because i wasn't over her at the time and she was just trying to put me in the friends zone. I also blocked her on facebook cuz it hurt me to see her happy with a guy she got with like 3 months later. They didn't last long though. The thing is, i know that what she told me about her letting her morals down was just an excuse to end it. The weekend i fingered her, she was fine about it until i switched to her school. I acted really shy and awkward around her and i remember her sister telling me at one point "you need to talk to sara more, she said that the only time you act normal is when you guys are making out." She wasn't really around me before i switched to her school so she didn't know how i really was. The night i fingered her was the first night we ever hung out. So could i get her to like me again? I haven't talked to her since the "lets be friends".
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHellllll no I'm not gonna ask her if she actually liked me. That would be pathetic
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): She might be playing mind games with you or she just could not reject you with a plain no and used the sexual episode as an easier reason or she really did not feel right about it. It could be a combination of all of the above. I personally think she liked you as a friend in the end. She gave it a try but then thought a friendship was more comfortable for her.
There really isn't much you can do unless you want to ask her about whether she liked you or not - which I advise against because it won't do you any favors to your image. Let it go. Continue being friends with her if you can overcome the pride and heartache. If you cannof see her as just a friend, end the relationship. No use thinking about it anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven her friends put me on the spot about being awkward around her saying "she was all over him and he was acting really awkward when it came to talking to him"
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI say she's manipulative not because of this, but because of what she's done to other people.
I don't think she played me, i think she did like me. I say this because we were talking through text and on the phone for like 3 weeks before we met, and when we met she would be all over me. Like when she sat next to me in the car she would sit practically on me and she always wanted me to hold her.
I Can easily accept this if it's because of my mistake, but what makes it hard is thinking of the possibility that she didn't like me, which i don't think was the case and I do in fact have a bad case of OCD. I have too much pride and honestly wish i didn't.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 January 2014):
 Yes, more or less . That 's what you think, isn'it ? That she can't have broken up just because of your sexual forwardness,- she was not terribly into you to begin with, and offered a precise, specific motivation ( " I feel bad about what we did " )rather than saying I am just not that into you. You call this being manipulative, other people would call it being kind and/or sparing your feelings.
Personally,though, I'd be more inclined to think that she liked you until that famous episode, then she realized that she did not want be around a guy for having to always defend herself from his sexual pushiness. It makes a lot of sense, and you can't know that "she was fine " just because she was not sobbing and screaming.
Look, which one it is, it does not really makes THAT much of a difference .
First, because it's past, it's over, it's done and you cannot change it. Look forward then, not backward.
Second, because all in all it was not working and it would not have worked anyway. Maybe it's your social anxiety, or just the young age and inexperience of both, but from what you say it sounds as if things weren't flowing, they were rather clumsy, goofy and stilted between you. Acting awkward around her and friends , not hanging out together, mostly just groping each other and making out- it did not have many chances to last anyway.
Don't get stuck OCDing about this girl. Seek help for your social anxiety, see a therapist if you can, or else at least try self help books on social anxiety, or free counseling help lines. Otherwise , you might in future find yourself facing the same problem- of not knowing how to act around a girl, how to communicate with her, how to feel close to her other than through sexual approaches , and , as you have seen, not always this system works out for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@cindycare- what do you mean she had rational motivation. You mean she was just coming up with any reason to make it sound like it made sense?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell what details would help you out?
I think she was using it as an excuse because i feel if she REALLY liked me she would have tried to make it work. Plus she's the type that will lie just to let me down softly. A lot of people know how manipulatisive she is for other reasons. Also when one of my buddies was teasing me about how shy i am around girls one of her sounds made a smart remark saying "well he got played by one.
It makes sense what her sister said because i have social anxiety and i was acting really awkward when it came to being around her and her friends in public.
I'm trying to face the fact that she probably just didn't like me
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 January 2014):
I think you really need to let this go.
If I remember correctly, you have already posted about this and that was a long time ago, maybe one year or more ?. At your age it is a long time, and you don't want to get so stuck on something that did not work.
Listen , you fingered her , she did not like it , she was upset or scared or turned off, she thought you were too pushy , and decided she does not want to be with you. It's sad but , in her eyes , you blew it. You came off as too aggressive sexually, and that's not the kind of guy she wants to date.
You say that's not true, the fingering is just an excuse ? Even worse. That would mean she did not like you regardless, had decided to dump you, and took that episode as a rational motivation for something that maybe did not have a rational motivation,it was just a gut feeling that she did not want to be with you.
Things are not changing, she is moving on and dating other guys, and you ? Still stuck ? ..
Why ? you can't say you lost " the one ", you don't even KNOW the girl that well, you talked all in all for a month , never were around each other much, hung out once, basically you did not even date. You THINK that you have developped feelings from so very little, but most probably is just hurt pride , the sting of rejection, and the laziness/insecurity of going out there and getting yourself some other girl.
Dust yourself off, go ask out some other girl, and this time, remember to be a gentleman and do not push her out of your sexual comfort zone .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): I am a little confused. How exactly do you know she used the moral reason as an excuse? You say that the weekend you fingered her, she was fine about it. How do you know? Maybe on the inside she was conflicted and did not say anything to you about it. Addressing her later relationship which did not last long, do you know why it ended? Maybe her boyfriend was too pushy for sexual things and she really thought the same way with you ( as you say, the first time you two hung out, you fingered her). Though I guess she could have simply told you to slow down if she wanted to save the relationship.Also, I think what her sister meant was that you need to talk to her more so you can be less awkward. The only time you seem normal is when you guys were intimate - which is odd.I feel like you're withholding details that could make your case clearer. For now, if you do not want to be friends with her, just sever ties with her.
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