A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For a couple months it seems like my boyfriends sex drive has dramaticly decreased. We use to do it atleast 3 times a week and now ill be lucky if its 2 times a month. And when we do i have to start it. Also i mention it and he just acts aggravated like he has no idea what im talking about and its completely untrue. He doesn't pay me compliments at all im started to think that he isnt attracted to me at all we've been together alittle over a year and we live together. Do you think theres someone else? Or do you think hes just not attracted to me anymore? What can i do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I have a similar situation. It went from normal to once a month to once a week. But the damage is done. Sex remains a very sensitive issue to both of us due to his lack of interest and my constant complaining/ feeling hurt. It took me a few months to believe that although we don't have sex as often he loves me and is very committed to our relationship. Unfortunately, my man as well as yours has a very low sex drive. Either accept him the way he is and things may get better for both of you. OR RUN NOW!
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (24 November 2007):
 Be VERY careful before you jump to conclusions. Funny to hear I'm sure if you've read about my situation on here. In my first ever relationship after a year or two I had a low sex drive for a while. I'm not entirely sure why but it was a phase I went through... I remember I was a bit stressed (due to my job) and lost interest in sex at the time (did not lose interest in my girlfriend though).After a while it was back to what it was before I lost it. I don't really know why... I simply lost my mojo. Anyway, things went back to the way they were before and we enjoyed a healthy sex-life for about 3 years after (right up until we split up but, hey, that wasn't a lack-of-sex/intimacy-related split).Before you go thinking the worst, give it a bit of time. Ask your boy-friend if everything's ok. All I can say is be honest and tell him how you feel. My girlfriend at the time felt a bit rejected and was worried I wasn't attracted to her anymore. The more she tried the more annoyed I got. I remember feeling like less of a man and that hurt my pride (like I'd imagine experiencing impotence would - not that I've had any problems in that department... yet).At the time I remember being a irratated by her asking and worrying. I found it quite insulting that she'd think I wasn;t interested in her but still with her. All I can think was that perhaps I was stressed, or just too damn tired.Be a bit patient, let him make the move - believe me you'll know when he's up for it. Male sure you DO talk about it. If he reassures you it's not you it's him and he's just too tired or got other things on his mind or whatever DON'T ASSUME HE'S LOST INTEREST IN YOU OR CHEATING. Personally, I'd be insulted at my girlfriend even thinking it... But then again, it does happen.Like with EVERYTHING in a relationship, talk to each other and tell each other how you feel. DON'T JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS. Remember it's human nature to think the worst in any given situation.Keep us posted and good luck :)Andy
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 First of all at your age (assuming your boyfriend also is in his 20's) It is unusual not to have sex almost everyday. his sexual performance is like a man married to his wife for 2-3 years and he is in his late thirties and early forties. So possibly he has low sex drive. But this even can not explain this much low desire.
My first answer to that is sex has become routine with you. And there is not much excitement. You may like to try variations and also you may change your attitute towards sex. Perhaps better be proactive imaginative stimulative without crossing into the territory of perversity.
If I am rigth in saying it has become routine for him, then he might be getting some excitement with someone else. But this you have to find out and even if he is seeking this does not have to be something threating (ie a new relationship, may be it is casual etc.)
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (23 November 2007):
 Have you tried to talk to him in a gentle non accusatory way? Something is clearly bothering him. Maybe you could cook a meal and bring up the subject then by starting off with " I'm worried about you, you don't seem very happy, do you want to talk?"
Men can get defensive about their sexual performance. The fact he goes into denial shows he's fully aware that there's a problem. Explain to him your fears about feeling responsible and that you miss his compliments. He may well be bogged down at work with stress. Bear in mind also that sex drives never remain as high as in the beginning when everything is new and exciting.
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