A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi!So my girlfriend said she went to the museum with 2 friends and posted some photos to social media. However the reflections in the glass in the photos are weird. Firstly there was one of her holding a guys arm when he posed for a photo, so it was intended, which she quickly deleted after posting. Then she posted more of the exhibits without intending to show reflections and in one its not clear but looks like they are holding hands. It doesnt look like 2 friends at all it seems just like 1. She is from china and i am unsure on the conventions of holding arms for photos and if its normal or not but i would guess not and the other one that isnt posed looks 90% like holding hands but cant quite see. Im really upset and mostly just need someone to vent to. I have messaged her to ask her about it and said she can explain it and i wont jump to conclusions (mentally i alreadybl have) but its already 2am so i guess i wont hear. Do you think there is any possible explanation to justify it? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2021): Unfortunately I think if you had been female asking the same question then responses would have been different.
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (17 August 2021):
 I also received a message in my inbox not happy with the answer given.
Not sure why OP has resulted to messaging people privately on an open forum, but i think the post was never really very clear from the beginning. What OP wrote in my personal mail message was much more elaborate, and a more true reflection of what happened, so why this was not conveyed in the first posting i don't know.
OP Aunts and uncles on DC on here to help people and take time out of their day and night to do so on a voluntary basis. You have to accept that all answers are going to be different, some you may agree with, some you don't.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2021): I'm the poster who said my boyfriend thought it was a man's arm and a shadow. Well you obviously saw what was blindingly obvious a man when she had said she had gone with female friends. Unfortunately OP the post isn't always clear so on my part I just gave you an example of when two and two dont always add up.
You now have her confession and obviously you are hurt and upset because you clearly care for this woman. I'm sorry that your worries have been concerned. Unfortunately we are all second guessing the absolute ins and outs and it's not unusual for further updates that give more clarity.
I'm pleased she at least didn't insult your intelligence and further denied what you saw as the obvious deception.
All the best OP, ps from my personal experience its always better to be faced with the truth than to have the lie x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 August 2021):
 Gunno OP, that I wasn't the only one who thought you overreacted, yet you chose to attack me personally in my inbox.
So either you didn't clarify yourself enough or you just came on here to bash people who take time out of their day to TRY and give advice. Shame on you.
And here was your message to me:
"Hi
You recently answered my question about my girlfriend appearing to cheat in some photos on social media. Thank you for taking time out of your day to give me your thoughts on this, however...
I just want to say I think your answer is a complete and utter disgrace and you should be ashamed of yourself.
I didn't "search through the images" to find evidence of her cheating, its glaringly obvious. In all of the photos the reflections are very prominent especially in the first one which she quickly deleted. She posted one when its as clear as day she is holding a guys arm, in the next one she is holding his hand, and in the next one he is standing behind her with his arm around her waist. she told me she went there with girls.
She has confessed to cheating on me with this guy and has been doing so for months, and the fact the first thought that crossed your mind was to blame me is completely appalling and I have no idea why you think you have the right to give advice when its such toxic and terribly thought out advice."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2021): I sent my boyfriend a picture one time and he asked me about an arm and shadow when it was almost certainly my own arm and nothing else. Its quite easy to get the wrong end of the stick and I've no reason to lie to you.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (17 August 2021):
 YES......she could've been holding hands with her GIRLfriend....that's totally normal and common in their culture
2) what if she WAS on a date with a guy? who cares?....maybe she's shy and too embarrassed to tell you.....also very common in they culture!
Are you suspicious that she was out with YOUR man?.....relax baby girl....don't read too much into "reflections"! lol
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): This is controlling behaviour on your part - asking her to justify reflections is obsessive, intense and just not OK.
If you don't trust her, don't be in a relationship until you can work through the issues you have. She should be able to out without having to justify herself, she's her own person and allowed her own life alongside a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): From what you're describing, I have to say you're overreacting. You aren't even sure of what you see, and you've jumped to conclusions.
If you don't trust your girlfriend, and you suffer a certain amount of insecurity; your mind will play tricks on you. You'll find yourself looking for things to justify your insecurities; you'll blow small things out of proportion, and you'll find yourself full of suspicion.
You're implying that your girlfriend is cheating on you. Then straight-up ask her if she is seeing someone other than you? If the answer is no, then you'll have to believe her; until you have more than pictures you can't precisely make-out as your evidence.
Holding a person's arm or hand doesn't have to have a romantic purpose to it. Friends walk hand-in-hand, or a woman will hold-on to a man's arm as a gesture of femininity. If you believe she is cheating on you, you need more evidence than what you've described in your post.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (16 August 2021):
I think that this is your insecurity to deal with. She can't justify it because there is nothing to justify, its a distorted reflection, but by your own admission you say that you can't quite see. It could very well be a distorted pic of another couple for all you know.
Why are you suspecting her, has she betrayed your trust in the past?.
If she has not then making pictures out of distorted reflections which quite frankly could be anything is rather silly if you ask me.
ou are quizzing her like she told you she was going to an museum, but you found out she went to a strip club or something.
If you keep going to her with things like this everytime she goes out then she surely won't hang around for very long.
If she has never given you a reason to distrust her, why start now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): She said she can explain it,...so why don't you just wait for her to explain?(of course not at the ungodly hour of 2 am ).Not that there is a lot to explain, though,I think.Yes , it is very common for everybody ,except the strictest of Islamic countries , to take pics with your arms around your friends or arm in arm. Particularly if you want a memento not of the monument or museum exploit per se,but also of the outing,of the occasion.Come on ,OP,you make it sound as if you never had your pic taken during a day trip or a night out with your friends, or if you did-as if you were all standing on attention military style.As for the 2nd pic where it seems they are holding hands,that would be a more intimate gesture and I understand it might bother you even if it was done jokingly, but you are not even sure they are holding hands.It' s a vague reflection, it's not clear. Probably it is not what you think ,and it does not mean what you think. I am sure your gf will give you a logical,sensibile explanation of these pics.The problem is, she should not even be asked to explain her every movement, gesture or action any time she is out of your sight.You should trust her.And if you cannot trust her , either because she is not trustworthy, or because you are paranoid and controllino,then you should not be with her .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): Original poster here.
So to add more backstory. the reflections in the photos are incredibly clear, i didn't have to search, it was right in my face as soon as i saw them. she said she went with 2 girls, so seeing her holding hands with a guy, having the guys arm around her waist, linked arms etc across many photos, i am sorry but that is not my problem that is absolutely her problem.
She has now admitted to cheating on me and has been seeing this guy for several months. I really can't believe the first thing that comes to some people's mind is that its my fault for being nosey. that's not good advice at all and you should be ashamed of yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2021): Original poster here. she has confessed to cheating on me. But come on, that answer is ridiculous. she was holding a guy's hand clearly in the photos what is wrong with you? how is that my fault? good grief!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2021):
She goes to the museum and then posts pictures which seems par for the course these days.
But you SIT and look for what is in the reflections? It seems like you really don't trust her to go to a museum with friends. Has she cheated before?
If not, THIS is your issue.
Regardless of where she is from having a picture taken with friends where you either have an arm around them or arm in arm is not uncommon. People who are friends don't generally stand 6 feet apart (even with the Covid restrictions) People tend to POSE for pictures.
If she gets the Spanish inquisition from you every time she posts pictures with friends (males included) then I can understand why she deleted the first picture. She didn't want to deal with drama.
If you two are LDR, maybe you need to decide if this is really for you. If SHE is really for you. You CAN not be your partner's parole officer. Who goes through her pictures to look at mere shadows and reflections in hopes of what? CATCH her? If that is the reason, END it! That isn't healthy!
If she has a history (with you) of doing shady things, END it! (That isn't healthy either).
To me, you seem insecure and controlling. That isn't good either.
I don't think this is a healthy relationship. IF she can't even go to the museum with friends without you accusing her of doing insert whatever because you think you saw something reflected in a picture.
OP, if you ARE insecure, that is something YOU need to work on. She can't fix that for you.
Op, if she has a history of cheating you can't FIX that either.
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