A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I’m 18, and I understand that I’m young and should not expect to find the one person right now, but I’m still having problems with my recent breakup. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We were an annoyingly perfect couple that never fought, and were never anything but happy. We spent a lot of time together, but never felt obligated to be together. After 2 years, I went away on vacation, and when I cam back a week later, everything had changed. He said that he didn’t really feel the same anymore. It took me completely off guard. He said that he didn’t feel the same “butterflies” he used to. He said he didn’t think he could handle a long term relationship. I don’t know how our relationship became something he had to “handle”. He said he started to have feeling for a friend when he found out that she liked him. He told me that he was bored with our relationship and that he wanted to just b friends. He isn’t dating this other girl, but they are always together. When I asked him what happened he said he never thought about the long term stuff, but it was always him that talked about the future. He would get mad if I made a comment that made it sound like we wouldn’t be together after college, and he got me to let my guard down and consider our future. It was like he got scared of commitment and changed his mind over night. I never tried to trap him, and I was never a needy of nagging girlfriend. Now he still says he loves the person I am inside, and was really mad when I told him I couldn’t handle being friends because it hurt too much. He doesn’t understand that I miss him and he hurt me. He even talks about getting back together later. It’s like he expects me to sit around and wait for him. He told me that he tries to hurt me by hanging around with her in front of me and acting like he’s happy and ok all the time. He says he still misses the way things used to be. He said he wanted to make me feel bad because I won’t be friends. He was mad when I got another date to the prom, even though he’s going with her. He goes back and forth so much with what he says and does that I don’t know what to think. Also, his mother passed away shortly after we started dating, and I feel like his lack of female influence in this relationship has affected everything. He has changed very much since Christmas, and has developed an ego, and thinks he is better than me. He used to think I was too good for him, now it’s the other way around. He’s been kind of a jerk to me, but I still cannot get over him… I still love him with my whole heart and don’t know what to do. He seems so happy with her, and I want him to be happy, but also what me to be able to be happy again. Do you think that there is a chance for us still, or that it really is over? I’m so confused with the whole situation, and don’t know how to get my life back ...sorry its a lil long
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi my husband and i have been married for nearly 4 years - everything was great we just moved into our new home and i was expecting our second child in which we planned together. I went to visit family after x mas as i wouldnt be able to fly for a while and when i got back i found out he had kissed another women when out with friends i said a kiss is hurtful but it can be put behind us as long as he didnt speak/see this women again - however he said it had made him excited again & he liked her and i asked whether he loved me still he said yes but the kiss has made him question to whether he was IN LOVe with me still - all upset i threw my wedding ring at him and said he had to think and find out over the next few days he kept assuring me we can get though this and move on and put my ring on my finger but by the next night he had seen her and said he wants to break up and be with her. He only knew her for 10 days and ended our 6 year relationship every1 says he will come running back but its been 2 months now and he booking summer holidays with her and everything. he even now wont be at the birth of our baby girl cos she dont want us bonding. I dont know where t went wrong and he said it just changed. Is this him just running cos hes scared or wot? Help i cant get my head around this...
A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (2 May 2007):
 Men have a funny way of justifying the crap they do. They build this whole alter ego and honestly I think whatever has come over him is not good. It will only make him more inclined to not be even remotely respectful or sensitive to you and there you are wondering if there is still a chance....Do you honestly want another chance with someone who treats you this way? I think you need to give yourself another chance before he robs you of whatever esteem is left of you. Run, as fast as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): Hello, there, I am sorry that you are hurting, as it is understandable after 2 years that you would be.
You seem to write with a great deal of understanding for your young age.
You are right that you are probably too young to find your one and only....regardless of the circumstances that surround your relationship, the timing just may not be right for the two of you to continue on, or to end up a forever after pairing.
Try not to grieve too much over this, or to read too much into what he tells you is the reason for the breakup....you are both very young and you will not be the same people that you are today 5 or 10 years from now. He is simply telling you that he is not ready to make a lifetime commitment to you, and is making excuses for this by saying a bunch of stuff that does not compute.
Please know that what you experienced with this love will leave an imprint on your heart and will help you learn what you want and what you like in a relationship. You will find someone when the time is right for you, and right now it seems that this relationship has run it's course. Love is a decision and not just a feeling. To love you have to be able to and decide to be a loving person willing to make sacrifices to put the needs of the one you love above your own, to commit to BEing a loving partner worthy of love. Your boyfriend is not in a position to be able to offer that to you at this time or in the near future, he knows this if even subconciously, and you will have to accept that and get on with things.
Chin up, and don't look back. You have a lot of life left and a lot of love to give.
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