A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i met this girl and we hit it off. We became close freinds and shared lots of stuff with each other, she revealed some personal information, she had been sexually abused by her father as a child. She told me she had been in a relationship for 4 years. I am a virgin and have never had a girlfreind, i have had problems with this in the past and I hate people knowing about it. To cover my shame when she asked I told her I had a girlfreind a couple of years ago in uni, I always made out it was nothing and said that she wasnt really my girlfreind, i never lied in detail because i really wanted to tell her the truth. On another day she revealed to me she had never had sex with her boyfriend, she had intimacy issues. I really wanted to tell her about my secrect too, but i just couldnt get the words out, the amount of times i wanted to say it but just couldnt, it ate me up inside. She would often be hot and cold about whether she liked me and this bothered me. One night we fooled around (no sex) and in the morning the truth came out that i was a virgin and had lied to her, she took it really bad, she wont speak to me now, she says she needs time to think, we texed a bit and I tried to explain but she says i have destroyed what we have, I am heartbroken by it all, i really, really liked her, she was the best thing in the world to me. i just wish i had told her, she was like my best friend too.I have apoligised by text a lot and sent her an apology letter to her house, it has been a week since this happened. Please I need advice, do you think she will ever forgive me, I have truly learnt my lesson, I will always be honest... do you think she will forgive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i love her with all my heart, to be honest i would be happy with just freindship now, just so long as she isnt lost from my life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): Sweetie, listen to me. I have to agree that what you did was bad, but it was nowhere near as terrible as you seem to think. You told her that you were with a single girl years before. That in itself is not as bad as many men lie about. Some lie about never having been with a girl while sleeping around with almost anyone. That is bad. Your action was extremely foolish and made out of an insecurity. You had no intention of hurting her, yes? You should feel bad, but not be consumed by guilt.
Another thing I would suggest would be to think over what you have just said. "I loved her." Do you still love her? If the answer is 'yes' then you should keep waiting. Waiting for her forgiveness and waiting for sex are not very difficult when you are in love.
Good luck, child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok but how do i get over the guilt? i have been so stupid, how bad honestly do you think my actions were, i would have waited forver to have sex with her... i loved her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2010): Give her time. Forgiveness is a gift and some women need to make sure that it is not a wasted one. I've been hurt before and tend to forgive rather easily which only resulted in being hurt worse. You should not have lied and since you know that I wont expand on that. You should wait. Try to communicate, but don't push her to forgive you. Let her see that you are worthy of the gift. I wish you luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 January 2010):
She will find it very hard, and I suspect will not be able to. Sorry to say that. If she has been abused by her father and hurt, then her experience of men from an early age will be guys who have lied and hurt her. Your lie, though you didn't really mean anything bad by it, will only reinforce her view about men. All you can do is give her a little more time to think. If she hasn't got back you, then you need to let her go.
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