A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So this is quite a complicated blended family problem I have and just not sure how to handle this. My husband has 3 children from a previous relationship. His eldest isn’t biologically his, but his dad didn’t want any part in his upbringing, so my husband brought him up as his own. My husband then went onto have 2 other children. The bio mum then gave up on eldest child at 13 years old - said he was a troubled boy and hasn’t seen or spoken to him since. He is now 23 and was brought up by husband and his parents until he met me. I then became very close to eldest and tried to help as much as possible. While this was happening, bio mum was lying saying eldest had left, we stole him blah blah blah. She has tried to turn my husbands biological children away from him as well (we now have 2nd child living with us now due to bio mum throwing him out too). This woman is vile. Anyway, eldest is now an adult and has found out his partner is pregnant. We are thrilled that he will has his own family and he has told us we will be grandparents, but now bio mum has come into the picture, says she wants a relationship with baby and eldest son has said along the lines of yes to this. He has also told his bio dad. We now don’t know whether we should back off or how to deal with this. If his mum comes back on the scene, that gorgeous baby will be used as a weapon against us again and lies/manipulation will all start again and we will come out of it all with heartache. We also have a 5 year old together. Please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2022): Back off, by all means.This guy at 23 is old enough to have his own family, as you say, so he is also old enough to deal woth his own biological parents exactly. as he sees fit. And he is also old enough to deal with the possibly negative consequences of his choices and decisions in case these should turn out to be the wrong ones - and to learn from his own mistakes for his future choices.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 April 2022):
 The oldest is desperate for some kind of connection to his mom. People who were abused by their parents STILL love them, sometimes they don't even recognize the abuse because they lived it. It was "normal" to them.
He is 23 now so a young adult. He HAS to make the decision for HIS life, yet you and our husband can support him the best you can. That means he ALSO has to make his own mistakes too.
I would just let him know that you are excited about the baby and support him and his GF as much as you can.
It might not last with the bio-mom but HE wants to try.
I know it sucks to watch, but it is his life to live. What else are you going to do? Tell him his bio mom can't be around? I mean that won't go over well.
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