A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, my question is basically this, do people ever change ? for example if they have cheated on you, what is the likelyhood of them doing it again ? and are they really genuine when they cry and cry, and tell you how sorry they are ?thanks :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): I personally have never cheated on a partner and could never do something like that. In fact, a married friend of mine recently confessed that he fancied me so I made the decision to back right off because I love my partner and didn't want anything threatening our relationship. I would never put myself in a position where cheating could happen. It isn't rocket science really.
As to whether a cheater can change - I am not so sure. Some people cheat once, realise the impact of it and are full of remorse and change, but there are others who know that once they can get away with it they'll do it again. Some people are genuine when they cry, for others it is crocodile tears. Everyone is different.
A
female
reader, lushlass93 +, writes (9 June 2008):
 well i gave my ex aniother chance who cheated and it got worse and i enede up cheating
good luck xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 You cannot expect people to change 100% over night.
If she can change 10% or 20% , that is good enough.
The process of change have started and you could give them more time.
Keep the wheels rolling...
Don't go into the game of probabilities..
Nobody knows what will happen in the future.
Live for today and enjoy what today brings....
Tomorrow is another new day .
Who knows if we live or die by tomorrow?
We maybe be dead for all we know.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, so i tried to end things with them, but they begged me to just give it a while, and see how things go :( don't know what to do, they seem to really want to make us work :(
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 June 2008):
Each of us are unique and we are not the same .
We are only human and sometimes we make mistakes in life.
But if we does not learn from our mistakes then we are like fools.
"Once bitten , twice shy.
Twice bitten , never to come again."
We should forgive that person for the first time and whether
you will forgive that person a second time will depend on your generosity.
Everyone should be given their second chance.
People can change and I don't agree with the saying that once a cheater, always a cheater.
It is not always true.
You have to take each case by case basis.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): From experience I have not heard of many "cheaters" that have changed. I personally would not like to take the risk of getting hurt over and over!
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A
female
reader, lushlass93 +, writes (6 June 2008):
some people mean it when they apoligise but some dont and some just but never admit like my ex
when i cehated i did mean it because i was feeling very closede and controlled but i did like the boy alot and i did feel really bad i think if you cheat on that person you are probably going to do it again
good luck xxxx
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Sorry they cheated or sorry they were caught cheating?
You always hear about convicts who found god. How come no criminal outside jail ever found god and confessed his/her crimes on their own. People do not regret their crimes/mistakes, they regret being found out.
So no, on the whole I don't people change. If he/she cheated once he/she will do it again especially in the same relationship.
The reason is simple, the temptation is still there except know they know they can get away with it even if they are caught so the only thing your "forgiveness" has done is lowered the barrier for cheating.
As for the water works, women are very good at this. I didn't believe just how easy it is for a woman to cry on demand until it was demonstrated. Think a less sexy "When Harry met Sally" moment. I knew she was faking it because she told me she was going to fake and I still felt that knot in my gut when you see a woman cry and don't have a clue as to what to do.
Doesn't mean your gf was faking it, she probably was very very sorry. But was it for cheating, risking infecting you with a deadly disease, getting pregnant with another man's child, breaking your heart OR because she was found out?
You know her, you answer it. Lets face it, if she really cared that much about you, why did she cheat in the first place?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): If they really love you and care about you,then they most
likely won't cheat on you again unless they're not happy.
If you really,truly and absolutely love them,then you should take them back,but don't give them the idea that you
don't care if they cheat and you'll keep taking them back.
You have to decide how sorry they are.Some people will do
things that are really unnecessary,such as crying to make
u think that they really care about you,and they might not
mean it one bit.Unless you really know that person and you
know that they are saying it from the bottom of their heart.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (6 June 2008):
 I think everyone is different and you have to be able to forgive them to make the relationship work if they have cheated - its not easy and you will never forget, but only you can decide whether or not to forgive.
Will they cheat again?? They may be genuinely sorry and promise you it will never happen again but it might. Then again someone who has never cheated may suddenly cheat, it depends on the cicumstances. Some people are serial cheaters. Some realise they have made a mistake and stop the affair very quickly, some only stop or say they have once theyve been found out. Some may never cheat again.
You have to way it all up and if you decide to stay with them, only time will tell. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I agree. Cheaters will never prosper. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I mean it is ridiculous for someone to love a cheater and to bring them back into their lives just only complicates things and brings back the bad memories. You can forgive them, but you must only remain friends until they realize the error of their ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): There are two types of people in this world: those who allow themselves permission to cheat, whatever the reason; and those who don't - ever. The only thing cheaters are sorry about is getting caught.
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A
female
reader, Miss williamz  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 My dear once someone has cheated on why do you keep on staying.they are good liars.they can cry even green tears. What were they thinking when cheating on that person. Did they think people dont have feelings. They can change but after that person leaves. But if its your girlfriend who did so listen to what she has but agood advice is for you to move on she cheats on Why would she do that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): I don't think so. Most guys I have fallen in love with are pretty up front from the start. They clue me on on what I can expect from them right from the start. And its up to me if I want to go forward or not. But when I have been in love (only twice in my life), I have always felt like they were meant for me so I don't get super jealous and don't ask too many questions. I mean had she given you any indication that she might be this way?
But cheaters have certain traits. You can just kind of tell. Like I did date this one guy (I was never in love with him though) and he was kind of sketchy and possessive. Something about him wasn't REAL. I felt like he was putting on a face for me. And my gut instinct was that he could be a cheater. I didn't stick around long enough to find out.
But I do believe certain people have it in them to cheat no matter what, and some don't. That's something I don't believe you can change. And if you can be strong enough to hold out and find the one who won't cheat on you, your experience will be magical. Its so much more amazing to date someone who is super cool, beautiful and faithful...its priceless. Its a great experience.
Let her cry, cry, cry, who cares? You need to be strong...don't put up with that...never...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008):
People change all the time everyday, it is part of being human. But you need to look at the reasons for why someone has done something wrong to see whether or not you think they will do it again or change their ways.
Some people cheat once, regret it so badly that they never even think of doing it again. The other extreme is that someone does it their entire life without any regard for the people they cheat on. A vast majority of people would be somewhere in the middle, at least for some or most of their life.
When it comes to crying, I personally wouldn't say that is a good indication of whether or not they are genuine.
Look at what sort of person they are. Do they have a strong character? self-confidence and self-respect? Or are they insecure, emotionally weak and insecure? These are all traits that indicate how a person conducts themselves.
You are young, at your age people do make mistakes because everything is new. You obviously feel hurt by this, but you now need to either accept their apology and try and move on, or decide that things will be how they used to be and that going your separate ways will be better.
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A
male
reader, jay12toes  +, writes (6 June 2008):
 yes people do change, and they can mean it when they cry and cry, however if they get away with it once and the relationship starts going bad they will likely do it again. it is likely that if you broke up with this person and stayed broken up that they would never cheat on anyone ever again, but it is more likely that if you take this person back they will learn that they can get away with it.
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