A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im 15 and have no confidence I do around my friends but not when I meet new people. I always feel like people are commenting on the way I look or that people think im ugly =/. I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can improve my confidence.Also I'm feeling really down at the moment, everytime I'm in a relationship with someone I always feel like they will go for someone better than me, so basically I always feel as if im not good enough or they will get bored of me...I'm in a relationship at the moment for nearly 4 months now and he say's I'm his first love but he's not mine, I still love him as much as I did my first love but I've heard that people dont usually stay with there first loves...Is this necessarily true..?I've known him for 6 years know via MSN so since I was about 10 Lol and we've met 3 times and will be meeting again soon.So...Any ideas?
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male
reader, esepalo1  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 yeah my wife was myt first love and i love her like the first day i met her.She had some thing that other girls didnt and that was confidence in her self and respect in in her felf to.You got to be confident in your self people can see that in people and really turn them off so yes it is true what you put in a relationship you should get back.So stand up sraight and be proud of your self and know your special to him and your self.
A
male
reader, Spamalot  +, writes (4 December 2007):
 I've been going out for about six months now, and she's been my 'first love' if you want to call it that.People say a lot of things and most of them have no substance whatsoever and simply say them to get attention or just for gossip. This is one of them. I'm sure you could find a lot of people out there who have stayed, or even married their 'first love'.Make your own decisions about everything and don't do what is 'normal' if you can help it. My girlfriend is Asian and I'm Anglo. That's not what is considered 'normal' and I've been bagged a lot about it by many people. That's never affected me. As the other answering people have said, you must have confidence to do what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (3 December 2007):
 First of all, people go out with you because they find something in you that they like. If you keep saying that they'll go for someone better, you're basically saying they have bad taste.
What you need is help with your self esteem ... badly. The way you get that is to get involved in something you like that you can learn to do well. It doesn't matter what -- join the school speech/debate teem, a sport club, take a dance class or a boxing class. Anything. Something you like to do. It will give you confidence in yourself.
And btw, confidence is SEXY. Work on that rather than on how you look or anything else and you'll always be sexy. Believe me.
As for whether you stay with your first love, it depends on the person, how you define "first love" (not first boyfriend, or even first steady, but REAL LOVE is how I define it). And I stayed with my high school boyfriend (note: NOT the first guy I "dated" or even the first guy I kissed) for 9 years, and though he's a lovely person, thank god we DIDN'T stay together. We grew into very different people and would have made each other miserable.
Give yourself a break. Take a deep breath and relax. You have a lot of really good stuff to experience and if you worry about it you'll miss it. Good luck hon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I don't know anyone who has stayed with their first "love." And sometimes your "first" love does not even turn out to be your "first" boyfriend. Alot of people go through many relationships before they truly fall inlove for the first time. So don't confuse "first" love with "first" boyfriend.
Like I am 26 yrs old and have had many bf's and I am still trying to figure out if I have ever had a first love. I am always inlove. I thought I loved alot of people. I don't even know anymore.
I guess it is possible that you and him will stay together forever just because anything is possible. But I wouldn't count on it and you wouldn't want to. Wait till you get a little older and you start wanting to be more extroverted cause you feel more comfortable in your own skin. And you become a woman, you are not going to want to be with him anymore. I mean you might, but your tastes may change. And you may realise he is not even your type afterall. So just have fun with it for now and don't think too much about the future. Just enjoy it while it lasts.
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A
female
reader, Yabbiyum +, writes (3 December 2007):
It is possible, but not always likely that you will stay with your first love. You both have to be dedicated to the idea of working through the 'rough spots', because a long term relationship isn't all romance and flowers. When you have a life together, you have to pay bills together, usually raise a family together. You will never always see eye-to-eye with someone, no matter how in love you are. Like I said, you both have to be willing to work out the hard parts of a relationship. My parents have been married for 62 years, since they were 18 years old. I, on the other hand, am on my 4th marriage. Sometimes your partner isn't interested in continuing the relationship, sometimes you're not interested in continuing. It's about expectations and mutual understanding.
EVERYONE feels self-conscious, even the most beautiful women and men in the world. Try to not let it bother you. When those thoughts come to you, dismiss them with, "Yeah, yeah, now go away!" You can change your mind to think well of yourself. Confidence often comes as you get older and experience life more, but you can help it along.
Best of luck to you :)
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